At our family Christmas party back in December, my newly wed cousins announced they were pregnant. I was also pregnant at the time, and literally had to bite my tongue to keep from making my own announcement. They were due just two weeks before me. I remember feeling like they had stolen a little bit of my thunder. I was happy for them, but a little heartbroken for myself. I had waited so long to be able to share my own announcement, and they beat me to it.
Turned out that they ended up having a miscarriage just a week after that announcement. I felt so bad for them, especially because this was their second loss. I was afraid of the pain it would cause them when I was having a baby due the same month as theirs was supposed to be. It didn't end up being an issue, because I miscarried my own just over a month later.
In February, I pored my heart out into a letter to my family. I sent this letter to all my Aunts and Uncles, as well as to all the Cousins. I shared all of our struggles through infertility, including the IUI's, IVF's, and that Sis was an egg donor for this last go 'round. I told them about our pregnancy, which had later ended in miscarriage. I told my family that while I am sad for myself and my husband, I will be happy for each of them and any future baby announcements that they make.
Today I saw on Facebook, that cousins C and J (the ones that had the miscarriages) are once again expecting. They posted pictures to announce their pregnancy. I don't know whether I am more mad, or more hurt that I found this out via Facebook. Probably a bit of both. I feel pretty disrespected. I shared my whole infertility journey with them not too long ago. I felt like I had somewhat of a common bond with them in that we both suffered a loss about the same time. Now I feel as if they could care less about my feelings.
It would have been nice if they had thought to inform the family before plastering the announcement on Facebook. It would have been nice if they were at least sensitive to the fact that it might be hurtful to me, knowing my history. At the very least, it would have been nice if they had asked Aunt R to tell my Mom, who then could have passed it on to me. Under normal circumstances, I can understand how maybe they wouldn't have thought to spread the word through the family first. But knowing what I've been through.... I can't help but feel extremely hurt.
And here's the thing, seeing pregnant women doesn't bother me. Being around little babies doesn't bother me. All I want to do is snuggle with them. Facebook pregnancy announcements don't bother me either. THIS ONE DOES THOUGH! This one hurts because it is FAMILY! It is family that KNOWS what I've been through and apparently doesn't seem to care. They are the only ones that never responded to my letter. Every Aunt and Uncle, and every other Cousin reached out to me and responded to my letter, except for these two. Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but I just feel like they should have at least let the family know, or at least let ME know, before plastering it on Facebook.
Even though my feelings are hurt and I feel a little angry (maybe a lot. I haven't decided yet), I "liked" their pictures. I sent C a text congratulating them and asking the due date. She is about 13 weeks and they are planning for an October baby. I am trying to be the bigger person by reaching out to them and offering my congrats, even though I am sitting here stewing over the whole thing.
I am happy for them. I truly am. I just wish that they had at least considered how their announcement might effect me.