I've been feeling emotional and anxious about this trip all week. I'm worried about how Ayden and Rylee will do in the car for that long. I'm worried about how my bil will handle the stress if they cry a lot, or if Rylee has one of her moments of taking FOR.EV.ER, saying she has to poop while we are pulled over on the side of the road. I'm not sure why I'm so worried about that, because I have no doubt their kids will have their own meltdowns along the way. I just don't want US to be the ones with meltdowns.
The reason behind this road trip is that we are going to meet our half sister. Sis and I met her one time when we were just kids and she was a baby. It was a camping trip with our dad, his new wife and her kids, along with our baby half sister. There's only two things I remember about the camping trip:
- I was terrified of going. I was afraid they were going to kidnap us and take us back to Montana with them and we'd never see our mom again.
- That Baby Sis cried the whole time.
They didn't kidnap us, so that was good! I think I only saw my dad one other time after that. When I was in middle school age, he randomly showed up at our house and he gave me money. That was the last time I heard from him, other than a drunken phone call late one night when I was in high school, and he cried about how much he still loved my mother.
He's a raging alcoholic. My parents split when I was 5, right after Sis was born. There were less than a handful of visits after that. His absence truly has never been something that has been missing from my life. I had my grandpa and uncles that filled that void.
However, I have always wanted to visit Montana and see where that side of my family is from. I want to see where he grew up and still lives now. I grew up with a few cousins from that side of the family, but mostly, we never knew our paternal family.
Sis and I connected with Baby Sis (real creative with made up names, huh?) through Facebook a few years back. We have talked through Facebook and texting, but now we are about to take the leap into actually really connecting and getting to know each other! We will be staying with Baby Sis and her family, which includes her husband and 3 year old daughter, for a full week! I am so excited for the three of us girls to connect. I am looking forward to making memories beyond our infamous camping trip so many years past. I'm excited for all of our kids to play together.
The three of us will be making a trip to see our dad. He has no idea we are coming. We are just going to show up on his doorstep and see how he responds. Baby Sis has seen him a few times over the years, but her mom split with him when she was 5 and their contact has been minimal. My understanding is that he is a recluse that is drunk by noon daily, so there shouldn't be a problem with catching him at home. It's just a matter if he'll be sober enough to actually have a meaningful conversation.
I tried to connect a few times over the years with him. I sent him a high school graduation announcement and a wedding invitation, not because I wanted or expected him to come, but just to let him know what was going on in my life. I never heard a single word from him. After that, I just wrote him off and honestly, it really wasn't that hard for me. As I said, I never really felt his absence. However, now that I am about to see him again, I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. I am nervous, and hope that I can still feel impartial after our visit.
I am extremely excited about this trip and finally meeting Baby Sis, and having the three of us girls together. I love road trips, although that may change after traveling with 6 kids all in one vehicle! I'm looking forward to being able to spend quality time with my nieces and nephews. I'm looking forward to seeing where that side of my family tree is from. I'm excited, but I'm very nervous at the same time.
Wish us luck that we all come back home in one piece and that we will still like each other!