Thursday, July 25, 2013

Word is Getting Out

Hubby and I spent 4th of July weekend with his brother and his family, who live about 2.5 hours away from us.  That was our only weekend off from softball that we have had all summer and we took advantage of it by spending time with all of our nieces and nephews.

It was a bit of an awkward weekend for me.  The kids always LOVE to climb up their Auntie Amber and then flip over when they get to the top.  Well, for reasons unbeknownst to them, I had to say no to this favorite activity of theirs.  I told them they were getting too big and it's hard for me to do it now.  I also turned down jumping on the trampoline.  It was difficult to explain to a 3 and a 5 year old why I wouldn't participate in these fun things with them, but we managed to make it through the weekend without having to spill the beans about our pregnancy.

Last week, at 10w, 2d we decided it was time to tell Hubby's parents.  I printed off pictures from our weekend trip (pics of their grandkids), and pictures from our last ultrasound.  We went out to see them after work.  After visiting for a bit, I handed my MIL a stack of pictures and said "here's some pictures from our trip and of your grandkids."  Innocent enough.  She is always giving me pictures, so I was returning the favor.

MIL flipped through the pics, and we talked about the trip as she did.  It seemed like it took forever for her to get the the u/s pics, but when she did, she paused.  Then she asked "what is this?"

I responded, "those are your other grandkids."
MIL:  "What?!!?!"
Me: "Those are your other grandkids."
Hubby:  "We're pregnant and we are having twins."

She jumped up out of her chair.  She literally jumped up and down, holding the pictures to her chest and screamed, "we're having a baby?"

Me, holding up two fingers:  "Two."
MIL:  "We're having a baby?"
Me:  "Two."
MIL:  "We're having a baby?"  (still jumping up and down)
Hubby and Me, laughing:  "We are having TWO babies."

More laughing, more jumping, and a few tears.

FIL:  "How did this happen?"

LOL!  So we explained how we had two frozen embryos left from when my sister donated her eggs to us, but we had chosen to keep that news to ourselves because of our previous loss.  It's just easier going through the process without everyone knowing and asking questions along the way.  We also explained that we didn't want to broadcast the news yet, just wanted to tell a few people for now, until we make it to the second trimester.

That night, we also went over to tell Hubby's Grandpa.  His Grandpa is probably the most religious, kindest, gentlest man I know.  He's been praying for us for a long time.  He didn't believe us at first, asking "is this for real?"  We explained that it was, but he still had to ask if we were joking.  After reassuring him multiple times that we wouldn't joke about something like this, he finally believed us.  Before we left, he said a prayer for us.  I love that man and am so glad that we had the opportunity to share that moment.  I'm sad that I won't be able to do the same with my own Grandpa, as he passed away last summer.

We called Hubby's brother that night to share the news.  His brother said that our weekend with them made a lot more sense now, haha!  They were confused as to why I was not playing with the girls like I usually do! 

We also called one of Hubby's Aunts.  We wanted to be able to share the news with her ourselves, and we knew that his mom wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret from her.  Like his Grandpa, she didn't believe us at first.  We had to convince her it was for real, and then she just sobbed.  She cried and cried and cried.  It was a pretty special night.

This last weekend, we went over to my Mom's and told her.  I did the same thing, printing pictures of my niece and nephews (her grandkids), and included pictures from the u/s.  I handed her the pictures and said, "here's some pictures of your grandkids."  She flipped through them, admiring how cute the kids are, and then when she got to the u/s pics she said, "what's this?"

Me:  "Those are your other grandkids."
Mom:  "But there's two."
Me:  "Yep."
Mom:  "Well.  Who's are they?"
Me, laughing:  "Mine."
Mom:  "Really?!!?  Oh, I just love you!!"

Hubby and I are convinced she thought they were pics from my sister's u/s, as she is pregnant and due in September, with just one baby.  That is why she was confused about why there were two in the picture.

This past weekend, we also had to tell our softball team and parents.  I really wasn't comfortable doing this yet, but a few of them had figured it out.  One dad came up to me, gave me a big old hug and asked how I was doing.  He's never given me a hug before!  Then the next day, a mom came up to me with a BIG grin on her face, gave me a hug and asked how I was doing.  It was very awkward since they didn't come right out and tell me they knew, but I KNEW that they knew because of different conversations.  Soooooooo, we decided that we better just announce our big news before more people started talking.  It was actually a very cool moment with lots of congratulations and excitement. 

And then we absolutely swore them to secrecy.  They cannot tell ANYONE!  I said they can't tell so and so, because then that person might tell their mom and then her mom might say something on Facebook.  One of the player's dads sometimes works with Hubby's uncle, who sometimes works with my uncle.  They can't tell ANYONE!

We leave this Saturday for Nationals.  Our softball team qualified for the ASA/USA National Tournament in Sunnyvale, CA.  We have plans to tell the rest of our families when we get back from California.

I have my first appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) on the Tuesday after we get back, August 6th.  I will officially be in the second trimester then.  I know for sure they will be doing a lengthy u/s during that appointment.  If all goes well, I will feel much more comfortable telling the world at that point.  I still don't want it plastered on Facebook, but it will be time to at least tell the rest of our family.  I also don't think I will be able to keep it a secret for very long now anyway.  My belly is going to start giving it away!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Boy/Girl Names

First, some randomness...

I got my first appointment scheduled with Maternal Fetal Medicine for Tuesday, August 6th.  Three weeks away :/  It will be a 2 1/2 hour appointment, meeting with a genetic counselor first.  I'm pretty sure that will be to go over all the medical history background stuff.  Again.  Seems you have to do that with every doctor you see!  Then I will be getting an u/s, followed by a visit with a Perinatologist.

Between now and then, I have softball to distract me.  Our tournament team FINALLY qualified for the ASA/USA National Tournament this last weekend.  We will be traveling to Sunnyvale, CA for a week long tournament.  Only a few more weeks of softball and then I will be retiring for a very long time.


Now, to my story.

A few weeks ago, Hubby and I were talking about the twins.  He mentioned something about how we are going to need to paint the back bedroom pink and blue.

Me: "Oh, so we are going to have a boy and a girl.  One of each?"
Him: "Yes.  And we will be naming them Zach and Kelly."
Me:  "Ummm, no."

A few minutes later...

Me:  "What if we have two girls?"
Him:  "Then we will name them Jesse and Kelly."

Anybody know what these names are from?  If you guessed Saved by the Bell, you are correct!  Hubby and his roommates spent a lot of time watching that t.v. show in college.  Yes, you read that right.  In college.  (shaking my head)

Just before going to bed, I continued the conversation...

Me:  "If we have a boy and a girl, I think we should name them Cory and Topanga."
Him:  "That would be okay too."

You all know who Cory and Topanga are, right?  From Boy Meets World?

Okay, we won't actually be naming our children after these t.v. show characters, but Hubby likes to get my goat by pretending that he is dead serious about these things. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

100th Post and Long Awaited Update

I always thought I'd do something special for my 100th post, but now that it's here I just need to give you all an update on where we are at with this twinsies pregnancy!  But first, I have to say thank you to all my readers and tell you how much I appreciate you!  The friendships I have developed and the support that I have found in this blogging world have really been amazing.  You mean more to me than words can say.  That sounds lame, but it's true.  Thank you.

Some stats for this 100th post:

33,762 pageviews

I didn't know if I would ever get one follower, let alone 51.  That kind of blows my mind.

Enough of that though.  Let me get to what you really want to read about, my very first OB appointment which was LAST WEDNESDAY!  Wow, could I make you wait any longer?  I'm sorry.  Just so, so busy!

So, last Wednesday, my appointment wasn't until 4:00 in the afternoon.  Painful.  It was extremely painful waiting all day.  When I pulled into the parking lot, I had to sit in my car a few minutes to gather myself.  My nerves were sky rocketed and I was trying very hard not to cry.  I was so afraid I wouldn't get an ultrasound at this appointment.  I NEEDED desperately to know the babies were okay.

You see, with my last pregnancy, I had an ultrasound at 9 weeks, 5 days.  It was supposed to be a just for fun appointment.  A last hoo-rah with my RE.  That was the day we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat.

Last Wednesday, I was 9 weeks, 4 days.  I did not want history to repeat itself. 

I worked up the nerve to walk in the building and check in.  When I got called back, the nurse explained to me that the OB would be doing a full pap smear, yada, yada, yada, and she would check for heartbeats.  No ultrasound.  I had been afraid that would be the case.

When she took my blood pressure, I warned her it was going to be high because I was very apprehensive about the appointment.  I was right.  It was high, although I can't remember what it was at this point.

The OB came in, introduced herself to me and apologized that they were running a little late and she would be right back.  She seemed nice and she smelled good.  (just something I noticed, lol)

When she came back in, the first thing she wanted to do was put my mind at ease so she listened for the heartbeats.  And then she listened some more.  To nothing.  She couldn't find them.  She said that they usually can't be detected by the doppler until about 10 weeks, so let's just do an ultrasound.


She came back in and said the portable ultrasound machine was backed up with a line of three more patients, but the ultrasound tech was still here and available.  Woo-Hoo!  Even better.  So I was walked down the hall, absolutely naked except for my hospital gown.  Who cares about that after so many people have been up in your business for the past few years?  Besides, I was getting my wish and was going to get to see my babies.

This was a high tech machine too!  I got the full meal deal, no portable machine for me.  And it was such great news.

Baby A measured at 9 weeks, 4 days.  Right on target.  This baby has actually gained a few days, because it was a few days behind last time.  Heart rate was 185.  Perfect!

Baby B measured at 10 weeks even (over achiever!)  Heart rate was 183.  Perfect!  Baby B was even waving her/his hand at me as if to say "I'm here Momma and I'm doing great!"

Such immense relief.  The best part about this was that I was given a CD of all the pictures she took.  I can print them off, email them, copy the disk, whatever I want to share with family.  Yay!!!  How cool is that?!?!!  I will share the pictures at the bottom if you would like to see them.

Okay, now for how I'm feeling almost a week later.  I felt such overwhelming relief after that appointment.  It lasted for about a day.  Now a week later, I am back to worrying.  How can I not?  It's painful waiting between these appointments and not knowing what is going on.  Especially when I know full well that terrible things happen.  I've experienced my own loss, and I've been heartbroken for many of you.  I try to stay positive, but it is just so dang difficult without having any major symptoms.  So I have to get up and pee several times a night.  Big deal.  I've always had to do that.  So I get tired and enjoy a nap in the middle of the day if I can.  Well, with my schedule, that's not all that surprising.

My next OB appointment is August 12th.  I am supposed to meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) sometime before then, but I haven't been able to get that scheduled yet.  Hopefully, I will hear from someone soon for that.  I will be making phone calls tomorrow.

Now for the u/s pics:

You can clearly see Baby B, but only the top of Baby A's head

Monday, July 1, 2013

Irrational Fears

Or are they rational fears?  I would just like to know on a daily minute by minute basis that my babies are okay.  I cannot stand this unknown that takes place between ultrasound appointments.  My next appointment is not until the 10th, which is next Wednesday.  I know that is not that far away, but it feels like an eternity.  I don't even know if I will be getting an ultrasound that day.  We will be meeting our new OB for the first time.

I think it would be different if I knew my belly was growing, indicating the babies are growing.  I think it would be different if I felt symptoms.  As much as I don't relish the thought of puking, at least that would give me the reassurance that something was going on inside of me.  Last week, I did feel a lot of nausea, especially in the mornings.  However, that changed over the weekend.  Today, nada.  Nothing at all to say "hey!  You're pregnant!"  I'm not dying of hunger.  I'm not nauseous.  My boobs don't hurt.

I started spotting again yesterday and still am this morning.  I know that's normal, and it doesn't really freak me out too much since it's not fresh blood, but I still don't want to see it.  Hubby and I would like to eventually have sex again.  It has been MONTHS!  First, we didn't before the FET because I had blue stuff coming out of my hoo-ha due to the Estrace.  Then you can't during your two week wait.  Then we were just too nervous so waited until the first ultrasound.  But before the first u/s, I started spotting.  And it is highly recommended that you not have sex while spotting.  The spotting has been hit and miss over the last few weeks, but more so again starting yesterday.  Ugh!

Can these next 30 weeks just zip right by already?  Actually, I'd like to experience this whole pregnancy thing, but it would be a lot easier if there was some way to just KNOW that everything is going okay.