Cycle Day #2

I did end up getting my visit from AF late yesterday afternoon, as I predicted.  I have not gotten a response to the message I sent to my RE yet though.  I just called the clinic to report that I'm on cycle day 2, so I should be hearing back from them sometime this afternoon.

I don't quite know whether to be excited because I'm at the beginning of our FET cycle and will be starting bcp's tomorrow, or will I be waiting one more month for me to get my act together by cleaning up my nutrition and preparing for the 10k I'm doing in 5 weeks.

I am happy to report that even with AF's arrival, I actually am down 2 lbs this morning.  I know that once I focus on making sure I am getting my 100 ounces of water each day and eating clean every 2-3 hours, I will see a pretty significant change fairly quickly.  The first few pounds will be easy.  It's the last 10 that will be the challenge.

With that said, I do want to add that it's really NOT about the weight.  My concern isn't the number on the scale.  My biggest concern is how that effects me internally.  I know that my blood pressure is high right now, but it usually does come down when I am eating clean.  I know my heart rate has also been elevated.  It's not so much about the weight, but rather how I've been FEELING.

I appreciated everyone's comments so much yesterday!  You actually helped me to realize that maybe it's not such a big deal.  Even if we do go ahead with this cycle, I still have about 7 weeks before we will actually do the transfer.  I just know that the bcp's and Lupron will not be a helping factor to getting back in shape.  However, if I am eating clean and more focused on taking care of myself, maybe it will still be okay.

These last two little embryos are it for us.  If this cycle does not work, we are done.  We cannot afford to take out any more loans to continue trying.  We do not have the luxury of having our insurance cover any infertility expenses.  My sister is not going to be available to donate more eggs for almost 2 years (because she is pregnant and then will be breast feeding).  We don't have the financial means to pursue adoption.

My concern isn't about my weight or the number on the scale.  It's not even about my elevated blood pressure or heart rate.  My concern is about whether those things will effect the survival of our embryos.  If there is any chance that we will have a lower chance of implantation and higher risk of miscarriage, I do not want to take that chance!  So many recommended to just go for it, and you know what?  If we had more chances after this, I would just go for it.  I wouldn't hesitate.  I don't WANT to wait, but more importantly I want this to work.

And you know what else?  If this doesn't work, I will be okay.  If Hubby and I have to move forward with a child-free life, we will, and we will make it work.  We will be heartbroken and sad at first, but we will be able to move on and live a happy life.  But I don't want to look back and KNOW that I could have improved our chances if we had just waited a month or two.  What is one or two months in comparison to the last 13+ years we've been ttc?  What is one or two more months in comparison to the rest of our lives?  I don't WANT to wait, but I WILL if it will help.  I just need to hear back from the RE to know what the decision will be.