Saturday, August 19, 2017

Right Now

Reading: We are STILL reading the Big Book of Big Dinosaurs every. single. night. We always let the each of the kids pick a book to read before bed. Ayden has picked this same book, every night since Easter. My knowledge of dinosaurs is ridiculous. Did you know that a Tyrannosaurus Rex's teeth were 14 inches long? The Diplodocus was the longest dinosaur and the Sauroposeidon was the tallest.

Watching: We recently started a 30 day free trial of Hulu, just so we could watch This is Us. I watched the show when it was on before, but Tony decided he wanted to watch it too. Season 1 is just as good the second time around. I can't wait for the show to start up again this fall.

I'm also watching America's Got Talent. Have you seen the 12 year old ventriloquist, Darci Lynne? If you haven't, you NEED TO! Just click on her name (that I just typed) and it will take you to a video of her first audition. Incredible!

Listening: We've been listening to We Are The Dinosaurs (surprised? lol), by the Laurie Berkner Band. The kids both love this song! If you have a little one that is really into dinosaurs, find this song for him/her. Just do it. And then you can blame me for it being stuck in your head.

Drinking: Always water, but not near as much as I should be drinking it lately. Also, Minute Maid Light Lemonade, and Diet Pepsi. I don't usually drink a lot of pop, but we had company last weekend and there was a few cans left that hadn't been opened, so I treated myself.

Eating: Lately I've been stuck on Pirate Booty. The kids love it for a snack, and so do I. Too much actually. It's addicting.

Wearing: A softball senior all star shirt from back in my coaching days when I helped coach the senior all star games. It's dated 2009. It's just a few years old! haha! I'm also wearing a pair of softball pajama shorts.

Loving: When my kids happily play together. Listening to them giggling and having fun together is everything. They fight a lot over toys, who gets to go potty first, who sits in what chair... It's exhausting. But usually at least once/day, they play nicely together. Those moments make the screaming matches a tiny bit more tolerable.



Anticipating: Being reunited with my sisters again tomorrow! Last summer, Sis and I traveled to Montana to meet our baby sister, who we hadn't seen in 30 years up till that point. This year, Baby Sis is traveling here to Oregon with her family! We'll all be under one roof for an entire week and I can't wait!

The 3 of us from last summer: Baby Sis, Sis, and me.

Hoping: That the eclipse traffic won't be as bad as anticipated. We have 100% totality here, which is awesome, but also means chaos. Oregon is expected to have a million extra visitors for this once in a lifetime event. I'm hoping it doesn't interfere with our plans for the week, with Baby Sis here.

Following: The news regarding the eclipse. I've read a few articles about eye safety. We have glasses for watching it, but I am nervous for the kids, as they just won't understand that they need to keep the glasses on and not look at the sun. I've also been following the traffic news. So far, it doesn't seem as bad as anticipated, but it's not over yet, so we will see.

Wondering: If I will ever get motivated enough to actually make exercise and eating healthier a priority. I'm seriously not happy with my body. Yet, I can't seem to make that leap into making healthier choices. I just need to do it. Ugh. I'm embarrassed that I used to be a personal trainer. My life is so far from that now.

Trying: To work on my patience. It's a challenge. Three year old whining, crying, and fighting about everything grates on my nerves to no end.

Worrying: About Ayden's stutter. I've been meaning to write a blog post about this topic specifically, but I just haven't been able to sit down and put my thoughts into words yet. The short version is that Ayden started stuttering on the 4th of July. It progressively got worse for 3 weeks, to the point that he could barely talk. It's gotten a million times better since then, but is still a pretty serious issue. I'm worried that this will be a permanent thing. I'm worried about how it will effect him in school and with his peers.

Planning: To celebrate our anniversary! The in-laws will be watching the kids for a weekend. This will be our first weekend away from them ever! We've done a few overnight trips, but never more than one night. I am so looking forward to having two days to focus on us. It is much needed. Now we just have to decide what we want to do.

Contemplating: Going to bed. I really, really need to go to bed now.



Thursday, August 17, 2017

Period Watch: 2017

I feel pretty stupid for writing my last post. My period finally decided to show up the very next day, ten days late. I mean, I knew it was an impossibility for me to be pregnant, but for some reason I just couldn't keep my mind going there anyway. Why? Why did I torture myself like that?

I'll tell ya why. Because we had sex during my supposed "fertile" window. Because I was TEN days late! Because while the thought of having another baby freaks me out on many levels, it would also be such a freaking miracle. Because I've had a touch of baby fever lately. One of my very favorite things to do is snuggling newborn babies! Ayden and Rylee LOVE babies so much. I have NO doubt that they would be ecstatic to have a baby brother or sister. They have never, ever expressed an ounce of jealousy whenever I've held another baby. No, instead they fawn all over the baby and fight over who gets to hold it next. They say things like, "she's so cuuuuuute!"

However, I really couldn't imagine keeping up with Ayden and Rylee while pregnant, let alone with the sleep deprivation that comes with having a newborn. Also, we are finally in a place financially right now that is somewhat comfortable. Not great, but we are at least not paycheck to paycheck and have a decent savings built up.

I gave up the idea of ever getting pregnant on our own YEARS ago, way before Ayden and Rylee ever came along. It's not something that will ever be in my reality. Plus, I'm almost 43 for crying out loud. I'm a frickin old lady with old lady eggs! Apparently that doesn't stop me from wondering what if though....

Period Watch 2017 (as dubbed by one of my infertility sister friends) is officially over.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Where is Aunt Flo?

Can I just say what a mind fuck it is for my period to be NINE days late?

Please excuse my language, but it's the only thing that I can think of to accurately describe what it's like for an infertile to have her period be 9 days late. I'm pretty sure I was about a week late last month too, but I don't really know because I wasn't really keeping track. I've always been pretty consistent though.

Years ago, when we were trying to get pregnant, I used a period tracking app on my phone. I'd been debating downloading it again, just so I could be more aware of my body and stop guessing as to when Aunt Flo would be visiting. After last month, I bit the bullet and did it.

And now I'm 9 days late.

And I can't help but wonder, what if.........?

I'm just a few months shy of turning 43. I have such sucky egg production that even with the maximum dosage of stims, IVF didn't work for me. Tony has really terrible sperm, in both quantity and quality. We were blessed with our two babies because we used donor eggs and they were able to spin Tony's sperm to pick out the best ones. This was after 12+ years of trying on our own. Pregnancy is virtually impossible for us.

And yet I can't help but have it cross my mind when I am 9 days late.

I have no doubt that this is really just the beginning of perimenopause. My mind knows that, but my heart is another matter altogether.

Right now, I'm just really tired of waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting..... for Aunt Flo to show up. Actually, truth be told, I wouldn't mind if she doesn't rear her ugly head ever again. But the unknown is killing me!


Monday, August 7, 2017

Microblog Monday: Summer Madness


This summer has been a bit ridiculous in how busy we have been. June was consumed with moving and getting settled. Ummm, kind of. We still have a lot to do in order to actually be considered "settled." We've attended four weddings so far and still have one more to go. We've had birthday parties to go to. We are on week five of six for swimming lessons, four days/week. Tony had two work trips to Brookings in July and has an upcoming trip to Minnesota for a few days. We have friends coming to visit this coming weekend and we're all making a trip to Wildlife Safari. In two weeks, my long-lost-but-now-found-as-of-last-summer sister from Montana and her family are coming to visit Sis and I for a week. We will all be staying at Sis's house for that week. Aunt D is coming for a few days at the end of August to help hang some pictures and organize our house a bit. The kids start preschool in September and we need to do a little school shopping. The local Consignment Sale that I always participate in is in September. There's a family reunion for Tony's family in September. Throw in a couple more birthday parties and our 20th wedding anniversary, and I think after all that, we just might have a free weekend in October sometime.

Are you tired yet? I am....


If you'd like to read more #MicroblogMonday posts from other bloggers, click http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2017/08/microblogmondays-154-look-at-linus/.


Tuesday, August 1, 2017

We Bought a House

We got the keys to our new house on June 15th, a Thursday. I spent the next several days painting. Lots and lots of painting. I did not realize how long it takes to paint! Seriously. There were a few nights that I was here painting until 1:00 in the morning, trying to get it done before moving day. We had planned on moving our beds and essential items on that Saturday, but we weren't even close to being ready, so we postponed and just waited for the movers to come the following Tuesday. We originally planned on hiring movers to move just our big heavy furniture items, but they ended up moving all the furniture and everything else we had packed and ready for them.

Moving day.

The day we got the keys, MIL came down and helped tape the dining room and living room area. Prepping for all the painting we needed to do was a huge project all by itself. I took the kids home for dinner, and then once Tony got home from work, I headed back over to our new house to start actually painting. I managed to finish Ayden's room that night, but was there until past 1:00am. His room was easy. Rylee's room on the other hand, most definitely was not!

Her room was ridiculously challenging. Taping all the windows and doors took a million hours alone, not to mention the actual time it took to paint the room. She has two windows, two doors, AND a closet! She also has a really cool wallIt took me Friday night, most of Saturday, and then all day Sunday to finish her room. I was so excited when I was done. Not only was I happy and relieved to finally be done, but I absolutely loved how it turned out! That excitement quickly turned into frustration when I started pulling the tape and the paint peeled off with it!!!! Oh. My. Gah. Pulling tape became a painfully slow process in an attempt to keep the paint from peeling off. This didn't just happen in one spot, but all over the damn room! So then I had to go back and touch up everything. EVERYTHING! This girl better like pink for a very long time, because her room will never be painted ever again.

Before I painted, the main color throughout the room was grey and this wall was bright orange and green. 

Tony did the majority of the painting in the dining room area and living room on Saturday and then again on Monday. We HAD to get the dining area done before the movers came that Tuesday, because our big China hutch was going to be covering one of the walls. He did most of it, but I did all the touch up work, which ended up being a big pain, because once again, the tape peeled off the paint from the walls! I have no idea why Ayden's room was so easy, but every other spot in the house we've painted so far has had this problem. Actually, we really only got 3/4 of the living room painted. We still need to paint the rest.


Our tiny dining room area.
We lightened up the room with the cream color on the left. You can see where we stopped and need to pick up to finish the rest.
Once the movers got everything delivered to our new house, we immediately started getting ready for our garage sale. We had some big items to get rid of that wouldn't fit in the new place, and I was ready to get rid of a lot of collectables that I'd accumulated over the years, as well as the typical junk you'd find at a garage sale. I thought it would be a perfect time to have our garage sale. The garage was 100% empty except for all the stuff we wanted to get rid of, and I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to sell it rather than packing it up and taking to the new house to deal with later.

This meant, not only were we trying to settle into the new house, but we also had a ton of stuff to do for the garage sale. On top of that, we had to finish packing all the last little stuff left behind and needed to clean the old house and be out by the end of the month. Oh, and did I mention that we also had to keep two three year olds entertained during all of this? What a crazy, exhausting couple of weeks it all was.

Thankfully, I have the most amazing Aunt that comes to my rescue when needed! Aunt D came on Monday, the day before the movers were scheduled, and stayed till the following Tuesday (she lives 3+ hours away). She Was A Life Saver. Seriously. She worked her tail off! We took turns between staying at the new house with the kids trying to unpack, and being at the old house either doing garage sale stuff or packing/cleaning. Once the sale was over, my Aunt D was on a mission to get that house 100% cleaned out before she left. She did the majority of the cleaning and I cannot even remotely express how grateful I was for her help. During all of this, Tony did take a couple days off work, but mostly it was always one of us staying with the kids doing bedtime and the other one at the other house getting stuff done.

We didn't even officially own the house yet during all of this! We had to rent the new house for a few weeks until the sale went through. We actually were able to sign the papers and close earlier than anticipated, before the end of the month. We are home owners again! It only took us four moves to finally get here, but hopefully we'll be staying for awhile.


Our house.

People ask if we are settled in yet. The answer is a firm NO. There's still lots of painting that needs to be done. Lots of unpacking and hanging pictures on the walls. We are slowly getting things done, but we are very limited with a busy summer that's packed every weekend and it being near impossible to get anything done with the kids around. I'm looking forward to when the kids start preschool in the fall and being able to take advantage of those three free hours every day to do adult stuff!