Sunday, May 26, 2013

Lazy Weekend

I've pretty much done nothing this weekend, and to be honest, it's been kind of nice.  While Hubby has been out there coaching our tournament team in their first tournament of the season, I've stayed home and vegged.

I should have worked on my softball posters, and I have.  A little.  But I am nowhere near as far along as I had hoped to be.  Looks like I will have some late nights ahead of me this week.  I'm hoping I can whip them out quicker than I have in the best.  Wishful thinking, I'm sure.  We will see....

I have managed to do the dishes and a couple loads of laundry.  I did make dinner last night.  I showered. haha!  I've also watched a lot of college softball and a few Gerard Butler movies: The Ugly Truth, which I think is freaking hilarious, and Bounty Hunter, which is just okay.  I've played a lot of Candy Crush and Words with Friends.  I tried to catch up on my blog reading.  I'm still a week behind!  Ugh!  Throw in a few Lifetime Movies and there you have it.  That's been my weekend.  Oh.  And I took a nap!

Hubby came home yesterday after coaching four games and told me he was sorry I was stuck at home all day.  He asked if I was bored.  My response?  "NOT AT ALL!"  I thoroughly enjoyed being able to stay in my pj's all day and not have to do anything.  Today is a repeat.

I'm hoping that all this down time has allowed our two little embabies to burrow in.  I was a bit crampy yesterday.  Implantation?  I can only hope so. 

The last (and only) time I was pregnant, I had insomnia so bad.  I've always had to get up at least once in the middle of the night to pee.  That's pretty typical.  But I was having to get up 3-4 times a night during the short time I was pregnant, and I had an extremely difficult time going back to sleep.  I just couldn't seem to shut my brain off.  I was simultaneously excited and fearful and couldn't stop thinking about it.

Last night I got up to pee, and I couldn't go back to sleep.  Hhmmmm.  Is that a sign?  Or a symptom?  I'd like to think so, but who knows.  I've also been SO HUNGRY the last two days!  Maybe that is a good sign, but maybe it's just because I've been stuck at home and eating gives me something to do.  Ha!

Today I have been pregnant for 3 days.  I'm choosing to say I'm pregnant.  Yesterday would have been the 3 week mark in the 40 week countdown. 8 more days until that is confirmed.

Remember those 16 pounds I had gained after my miscarriage?  Well, by the day of transfer, I was back down 11 of those 16.  I am happy with that.  I feel pretty good about the fact that I was able to drop most of the weight while taking Lupron and Estrace, and then PIO the last week.

8 more days.

Friday, May 24, 2013

I Got Pregnant Today

Today was my frozen embryo transfer, and I am officially considering myself pregnant! I do, in fact, have two little embryos in my uterus that hopefully are snuggling in tight for the next 37 weeks.  I'm assuming it would be 37 weeks, since they are 6 day blastocysts and they start counting down the weeks 2 weeks before fertilization.

According to the embryologist, they both survived the thaw and were re-expanding nicely.  I asked what that meant, and she explained that when they get cyropreserved all the moisture in the embryo is drawn out.  Otherwise, it would cause problems during the freeze.  When they are thawed, that moisture/fluid goes back in so that they will continue to grow.  I know this doesn't sound very scientific, but I am explaining it in layman's terms as I understood it. 

Both embryos were of good quality, one slightly better than the other.  I think she said they were both about grade 4BB, which honestly doesn't mean much to me.  I don't care.  I just care about the end result, especially because I've learned the most beautiful embryos don't always lead to a take home baby.  I've heard too many stories about poor quality embies resulting in beautiful, healthy take home babies to care what the grade is.  She said they were good and they survived the thaw.  That's good enough for me.

I managed not to pee myself on the table this time after the transfer.  The same nurse that had to clean up my mess last time, was my nurse today.  Thankfully, she didn't remember that embarrassing incident!  However, I was supposed to wait 30 minutes after transfer before getting up and going to the bathroom.  They had asked if I needed a bedpan, but I thought I could tough it out this time.  Well, I should have taken the bedpan.  Oy, it is miserable having such a full bladder.  I didn't pee myself, but I did have a bit of trouble waddling to the bathroom without making a fool of myself.  Thankfully it was right next door!  I also chose to cut my 30 minute wait down to 25.  I figured those 5 minutes weren't going to matter that much.

Yesterday was our first round of the State Playoffs.  We were supposed to play the day before, but all that Oregon rain that has been missing this entire Spring decided to show up.  So we ended up playing yesterday, the game getting moved to a turf field so we could play rain or shine.  Well, it was in the rain but we got the game in.  We lost.  I was proud of the team for playing hard and trying to compete against the #1 seeded team in the State.  I was disappointed to lose, but oh so relieved that I didn't have to worry about the Quarterfinal game that would have been today.  Now I get to spend my weekend relaxing and working on all the softball awards.  I make them posters instead of giving them trophies.  They are personalized and the girls love them.  They are much better than a boring ol' trophy!  It means a lot to them, and it means a lot to me that they hang them on their walls.  Whenever I go to one of their houses for team dinner, they always have to show me their room with their posters hanging on the wall.  It's pretty awesome.

Today I was also given the incredible honor of being recognized in The Stirrup Queens 444th Friday Blog Roundup for my Prom Talk.  I must admit, I feel like I've won an Academy Award or something like that.  I just have a hard time putting myself in the category of being that interesting, or writing well enough to get the shout out.
With that, I want to say thank you so much to all of you that do take the time to read my blog.  Thank you for putting up with my infrequent posting during my softball season.  I am SOOoooo incredibly behind in reading all of your blogs, but I am slowly but surely trying to catch up!  I should have plenty of time this weekend, while my husband is off coaching our summer team in their first tournament of the year.  I will be home taking it easy, working on my softball posters, and reading your blogs.
By the way, have I told you I got pregnant today?  I am beyond excited and hoping we really do get that bfp!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Prom Talk

I've been trying to think about what I want to say in this post about my Prom Talk.  I've been having a hard time figuring out how to do it justice and make it interesting for everyone here.  To be honest, I've had a hard time knowing what to blog about lately in general.  My life feels pretty boring to me.  Right now I am going to work, then going to softball practice or a game, come home, get ready for work the next day, give myself a Lupron injection, go to bed way too late, and repeat the next day.  In between all that, I am trying to catch up on everyone else's blogs, in which I am WAY behind.  Ahhh!  I'm not really feeling overwhelmed.  I'm in a good place.  I just have very little time in my day.

Anyway, the Prom Talk.  For those of you that may not know, I coach softball.  Prom falls during the middle of our season, so every year I talk to the girls about making good choices and not getting into trouble.  I am well known in our small community for the "Prom Talk."  I remind them about the drug and alcohol policies for student athletes and what they need to do if they find themselves in a compromising situation.  I talk to them about driving safely, and we talk about sex.

Prom is an exciting night and something that the girls look forward to.  For weeks, I hear about who's asked who to the dance, and HOW they were asked.  Boys don't simply ask girls to go to Prom anymore.  It is a major production now, kind of like you would envision for an elaborate marriage proposal.  It's sweet and a little ridiculous all at the same time.  They talk about their prom dresses, how they are going to do their hair, and they get awful spray tans.

But while Prom is so exciting for these girls, it is scary for me.  Our season could be over in the blink of an eye if a group of my players get caught at a party.  Worse than that, I would be devastated if one of them were to get killed in a car accident.  Or if one of them ended up pregnant.

It is not uncommon to read in the paper or see on the news about a kid that was killed in a car accident the night of their prom.  It has happened many times over the years.  It's not always due to drinking and driving.  Sometimes it's simply because they are driving with a group of friends and are distracted.

It's not uncommon for a girl to have a baby approximately 9 months after prom.  My best friend from high school was one of those girls.  She was a freshman and went with her senior boyfriend to prom.  She had sex one time, and it resulted in her having a baby at 15.  The high school I coach at has the highest rate of pregnancy in the state of Oregon.

Each year my Prom Talk is different.  Sometimes it's just a general talk that covers all topics.  A few years ago, I didn't even have to give the talk.  The girls did it for me because they had heard it so many times!  That was a great year, listening to their perspective.  Last year my focus was on drugs.  I gave my personal testament about growing up with drugs and alcohol in my family.

This year the focus of the Prom Talk was about sex.  I told them that I knew it can be an embarrassing topic, but one that is important to talk about.  I told them I knew some of them have already been sexually active (of course I didn't say who).  I know that a lot of times it is easy to look at adults, especially their parents, and think that they "just don't understand" or that "things have changed since you were in school."  I shared with them that I've had sex with two guys in my life, and that in my opinion it was one too many.  I also shared with them that I have a 79 year old client that I can talk about anything with, and that this older gal had sex when she was in high school too.  Those types of pressures haven't changed, they have simply become more acceptable.  We HAVE been in their shoes and we DO understand how hard it is. 

I shared that in high school, I had sex with a boy I had gone out with for a year and a half.  I thought he was "the one."  I was convinced I was going to marry him.  When you're in high school, it's easy to convince yourself you are going to be together forever, but the truth is that doesn't always happen.  In some circumstances it does, but it is not typical.  A lot of head shaking and nods from the girls.

One of my assistant coaches shared her high school experience.  She started dating her soon to be husband when she was in the 8th grade and they have been together for 9 years, both graduating college this year.  He is a year older than her and was a tough guy on the football team in high school.  They both got a lot of pressure from their peers in high school to have sex, but she had made the decision to not have sex while still in high school.  If the community viewed her as a kid still, then she wasn't going to have sex, because kids shouldn't be having sex.  Through 4 years of high school, she had to fight the battle of giving in.  She almost caved the night of prom.  She almost gave in when her boyfriend was gone to his first year of college.  But she didn't.  She also explained to the girls that this was HER goal, it wasn't her boyfriend's goal, which did make it harder.

This coach also shared a story about one of her good friends that had made the decision to wait until she was married to have sex.  It was really important to this friend to be intimate with one man in her lifetime.  This friend got engaged and was planning her wedding.  Just a few months before their wedding, they did end up having sex.  Then, the guy left her and the friend was devastated.

We both stressed that if the guy truly is the one, he should respect them enough to wait until they are ready.  I told the girls that having sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person.  Don't put yourself in a position that you will someday look back on with regrets, because at some point in time, you will have to share your history with your future husband.  Be okay will what you have to tell him.

I decided early on in the season that I would share with my team about my infertility and everything that we have been through to that point.  Last year during softball season was my first IVF.  Some of the players were on the team last year, and could now put the pieces together.  Such as the day of retrieval.  All they knew was that Hubby ran practice that day because I had a minor surgery for some female issues.  I shared with them about all the injections.  I even took the needles so they could visually see what it was I was telling them.  There were a few gasps when they saw the PIO needle.  The girls could remember the phone calls I received during practice that I had to take.  They could remember the day I got the phone call letting me know about my chemical pregnancy.  All I had told them last year was that I had gotten very bad news.

I told the girls about my pregnancy at the start of the year, and that I almost wasn't going to coach them this season because I would have been pregnant and didn't want to take any chances by being out on the softball field and putting the pregnancy at risk.  I told them about my miscarriage.  On the day I found out we had lost the baby, we had open hitting and I had to meet a few of their dad's who were helping me on the softball field.  I told them how I had sobbed leaving the appointment, but then pulled myself together so I could open the batting cages for them and meet their parents for the field work.  As much as I love being their coach, I do wish I still had a very good reason for not being out there this year.

I don't think this group of girls have ever been so quiet.  All 24 girls listened very intently, and a number of them were very teary.  I told them that I shared my story with them not only because I want them to learn from it, but because I consider them family and several of them had been indirectly affected by it last year as I went through it during softball season.

I tied in the whole sex talk with my IF talk by telling them I don't know what I would have done if I had gotten pregnant in high school.  I don't really believe in abortions, but I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have had one if I had gotten pregnant in high school.  I didn't really have the home life that would have supported me having a baby so young.  I don't know what I would have done.  But I am very grateful now, especially knowing we can't have kids, that I don't have something like that to regret because it would be very devastating.  I reminded them that they needed to think about the choices they make, because they have to be ready for the potential outcomes/consequences of their actions. 

Of course I finished by wishing them a wonderful Prom night!  Have fun, make good choices, and I would see them at our next practice.  The only thing I wish I had also remembered to touch on was STD's, as obviously that can be another consequence to being sexually active.

I had one mom tell me about her conversation with her daughter following our talk.  Her daughter is one that still hasn't had sex.  She asked her daughter if the Talk helped her to think twice about having sex.  The answer was a definite yes.  Phew!  Ultimately, if I can inspire even just a few of these girls to wait until after high school, I will consider that a success.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Peeing like a Smurf

I am currently doing Lupron injections and taking Estrace to build my lining for a nice plush bed for those embabies to settle in to.  My lining check is this Friday.  If all goes well, the transfer will be next Friday.

My first go round of taking the Estrace tablets didn't quite get the lining exactly where Dr. W wanted to see it, so at the lining check she directed me to take one tablet vaginally, in addition to what I had already been taking orally.  I originally wrote about that in my You Want Me to Stick It Where post back in November.

Knowing that I needed a little extra last time, we planned from the beginning that I would take 5 doses of Estrace this time around - 3 orally and 2 vaginally.  So, I get the pleasure of not only taking my morning dose of the little blue pill, I also get the pleasure (not!) of sticking one up my hoo-ha.  Then I take my afternoon dose orally.  Then in the evening, I get to take another one orally AND vaginally again!

As a result, my underwear are getting nice blue stains and I am peeing like a smurf.  Okay, the pee itself is not blue, but boy am I getting some pretty tp when I wipe.  My vay-jay is also not feeling too happy

Too much info?  Oh well.  Just sharing the joys of this whole process with you!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

10k Accomplished!

Today was the big Cinco de Mayo 10k race I signed up for.  All my training runs leading up to today were 2.5 miles, so I was a little nervous about running 6.2 miles.  Based on past experiences, I knew I could do it.  I was just worried about how miserable I was going to be.  My husband even asked me last night, "are you even going to be able to run that far?"  I informed him that yes, I have been running at least once or twice a week for the past 7 weeks (not that once or twice a week is a lot, by any stretch of the imagination).  I'm just usually doing those runs while he is at work, so he had no idea!

Because of my lack of training, I went in to this race planning on doing my run/walk intervals.  I'm no dummy.  I'm not going to over do it and end up with an injury.  So my plan for the race was to run jog for 3 minutes and walk for 1 minute.  I actually was able to maintain the 3 and 1 for the whole race!  Even with the walking, my overall race pace was 10:03, which I was really happy with.  I started off super slow, and about the 3 mile mark I thought I was going to die.  For whatever reason though, when I got to about 4.5 miles, I was able to kick it into gear and pick up my pace to finish strong.  I even hit a 7:25 run pace at one point!

I did this race with a really good friend of mine.  We've done a few other races together and used to be racquetball partners, playing doubles in the ORA tournament circuit.  We both had a lot of fun and decided we needed to do things like this more often!  Neither one of us are fast enough to actually compete and place in one of these races, but it always feels so good to be ABLE to do it.  It's a very accomplished feeling.

My friend and I after the race.  We didn't even plan to match, but both showed up wearing the same thing!

In other news, I had my suppression check and estrodiol blood draw on Friday.  Everything looks good and we are ready to go!  I was able to drop my Lupron injections from 20 units to 10 units and started taking the Estrace tablets yesterday (just one a day for now).  I go back for a lining check on May 17th, and the transfer is scheduled for May 24th.  I'm a little nervous about the 24th as that is also the scheduled day for the softball State Quarterfinals.  We have no expectations of making it that far in state, but if we do....I'm in trouble.  The plan will be for Hubby to just fill in for me coaching that day, but oh boy, will that be a tough one to explain when he hasn't been out there coaching with me this whole season.  We will see what happens...
My softball team has clinched the 2nd place spot in our league as of Friday.  We still have 3 more games left, but we could lose all of them and still have the number 2 spot, so we have officially made it to the playoffs.  I am hoping we can win the first play off game, but then fully expect to play a really tough team from there.  It would be a miracle if we make it beyond that day to the 24th.  Not that I am hoping to lose.  I'd love to win and make it to the quarterfinals.  I just wish it didn't coincide with our baby making plans.  Again, time will tell.