The Positive Side of Things

As much as it totally sucks that we had a miscarriage, there are a few positive things that Hubby and I have taken from this experience.  First of all, we were able to enjoy being pregnant for 9 weeks and 5 days.  For 2 1/2 months we had the opportunity to plan for our future baby.  We purchased a few outfits that we thought were perfect.  We talked about baby names and made plans for turning our back bedroom into the nursery.  We planned how we were going to make this work around our softball schedule.

Most of all though, we had the amazing experience of announcing our pregnancy to Hubby's parents.  That was such an awesome evening for us and an experience we will always treasure.  It was such a special moment for us, even though a week later we had to let them know we lost the baby.  I am so grateful that we got to have that moment.

We've been asked by several people if we will be trying again.  We do have two frozen embryos being stored for us.  One of them really wasn't that strong and probably won't survive the thawing process, but the other one had looked pretty good.  Yes, we do plan on using those in what will be our last attempt.  Neither of us have a lot of faith that it will work, as there are so many variables against it.  Who knows if either one of them will survive the thaw?  If they don't, we are done.  If they don't implant, we are done.

I hate to say it will be the end of the road for us, but that is the truth.  We have already paid for the one FET cycle with the ARC loan we took out, so we absolutely want to take advantage of that.  However, beyond that, we don't see us being able to continue.  We just cannot afford to go into more debt.  We do not live in a state that mandates IF insurance coverage.  NONE of our infertility treatments have been covered by insurance.  Not the meds, not the appointments and procedures along the way, nothing.  If our finances allowed us too, I would continue this journey until we got our happy ending, but the truth of the matter is, we can't afford to.  Besides that, I don't have the eggs to do it.  As much as I'd love to ask my sister to donate again, I'm not sure that she would want to, or could afford to do it again either (the expense being the time off work she had to take for appointments).  We would have to think about using an anonymous donor and that cost about $7000 more, in addition to the baseline cost of the whole process to begin with.

We've been asked if we've ever thought about adoption.  Well, yes, of course we have thought about it.  If you would like to give us the $15-$20,000 for us to do that, then yes, we will pursue adoption.  For us, it was one or the other.  Infertility treatments or adoption.  We chose to try to have a baby on our own.  It didn't work.  Or at least not yet.  We do have one more try.

By the end of this week, we are supposed to get the results of the chromosomal testing being done from the tissue collected during the D&C.  I don't know exactly what that will tell us for sure, but I am looking forward to finding out.  If it helps the next baby stick around for the long haul, I want all the information I can get.

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On another note, a fellow blogging friend, Andy at I Won't Give Up just got the sad news at her first ultrasound that her pregnancy is over also.  She is scheduled for a D&C tomorrow.  I got so much love and support from all of you after my loss, and I am sure she could use all the hugs and support from you as well.  It is just so unfair that any of us have to experience such heartache when we work so hard to even get to this point.