Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Positive Side of Things

As much as it totally sucks that we had a miscarriage, there are a few positive things that Hubby and I have taken from this experience.  First of all, we were able to enjoy being pregnant for 9 weeks and 5 days.  For 2 1/2 months we had the opportunity to plan for our future baby.  We purchased a few outfits that we thought were perfect.  We talked about baby names and made plans for turning our back bedroom into the nursery.  We planned how we were going to make this work around our softball schedule.

Most of all though, we had the amazing experience of announcing our pregnancy to Hubby's parents.  That was such an awesome evening for us and an experience we will always treasure.  It was such a special moment for us, even though a week later we had to let them know we lost the baby.  I am so grateful that we got to have that moment.

We've been asked by several people if we will be trying again.  We do have two frozen embryos being stored for us.  One of them really wasn't that strong and probably won't survive the thawing process, but the other one had looked pretty good.  Yes, we do plan on using those in what will be our last attempt.  Neither of us have a lot of faith that it will work, as there are so many variables against it.  Who knows if either one of them will survive the thaw?  If they don't, we are done.  If they don't implant, we are done.

I hate to say it will be the end of the road for us, but that is the truth.  We have already paid for the one FET cycle with the ARC loan we took out, so we absolutely want to take advantage of that.  However, beyond that, we don't see us being able to continue.  We just cannot afford to go into more debt.  We do not live in a state that mandates IF insurance coverage.  NONE of our infertility treatments have been covered by insurance.  Not the meds, not the appointments and procedures along the way, nothing.  If our finances allowed us too, I would continue this journey until we got our happy ending, but the truth of the matter is, we can't afford to.  Besides that, I don't have the eggs to do it.  As much as I'd love to ask my sister to donate again, I'm not sure that she would want to, or could afford to do it again either (the expense being the time off work she had to take for appointments).  We would have to think about using an anonymous donor and that cost about $7000 more, in addition to the baseline cost of the whole process to begin with.

We've been asked if we've ever thought about adoption.  Well, yes, of course we have thought about it.  If you would like to give us the $15-$20,000 for us to do that, then yes, we will pursue adoption.  For us, it was one or the other.  Infertility treatments or adoption.  We chose to try to have a baby on our own.  It didn't work.  Or at least not yet.  We do have one more try.

By the end of this week, we are supposed to get the results of the chromosomal testing being done from the tissue collected during the D&C.  I don't know exactly what that will tell us for sure, but I am looking forward to finding out.  If it helps the next baby stick around for the long haul, I want all the information I can get.

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On another note, a fellow blogging friend, Andy at I Won't Give Up just got the sad news at her first ultrasound that her pregnancy is over also.  She is scheduled for a D&C tomorrow.  I got so much love and support from all of you after my loss, and I am sure she could use all the hugs and support from you as well.  It is just so unfair that any of us have to experience such heartache when we work so hard to even get to this point.

23 comments:

  1. Wow - your attitude is really impressive! You are so brave and tough! It is awesome that you are able to think about the positive moments you enjoyed. I hope you get some answers from the test that will help you as you proceed so you can have a successful FET and take home baby!

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    1. Aww, thanks Kimberly. That really means a lot. I have to try to see the positives or I would drown in the unfairness of it all.

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  2. Amber, you are in my thoughts. I agree that you are so strong! I will keep you and your dream in my prayers.

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  3. I am in awe of your strength and positive attitude. Thank you so much for your support.

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  4. You're honestly my hero with how you are coping with all of this. I wish I could deal with my ups and downs with the same positivity that you do. I really hope your FET works but either way I know that you will be okay.

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    1. Omgoodness, that might just be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me! Until I read your comment to my husband and HE told me I was his hero. Wow! Thank you so much.

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  5. It's wonderful that you've been able to take some good from this awful experience. I think you are absoluetly right, I felt the same. Even after my losses I was so grateful to have had the opportunity to be pregnant, to carry my little ones for whatever short time, and to be reminded of my potential. I wouldn't have traded that for anything.

    For what it's worth, I hope that there are great things ahead for you guys, and that the FET will bring you the family you've always dreamed of. In any case, it's so great to know what a strong team you two are!

    Sending hugs.

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    1. Sadie, thank you so much. I too am just so grateful for at least getting to experience at least a small part of the excitement of pregnancy.

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  6. Hi Amber,
    So sorry about the D&C. Make sure to take it easy afterwards. I ended up back in the hospital with an infection after one of mine. It wasn't a good situation.
    You asked about LFCA - http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/
    It's a website that helps connect folks in the blogosphere around IF issues.
    As per "following" I think I just have things on google reader; I don't think I enacted the following button. But thanks! So far I'm not posting much lately. I gave my blog address to someone I know IRL, and then I don't trust them anymore, so I haven't been posting here.

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    1. I'm sorry, it sounds like you've had a rough go of it too. That sucks that you are not able to blog like you would want to. I have found it to be such a great outlet. Thank you for the LFCA info. I have looked it up and am glad for the info!

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  7. You are such a strong woman. I'm inspired by your positivity and your ability to explain your feelings so clearly. I truly hope and pray you get your happy ending

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    1. Aww, thank you! I have to laugh a little bit because most of the time I do NOT feel like I explain myself very clearly at all! lol I am glad to know I don't come across as the rambling idiot I feel like sometimes. :) Your kind words mean so much to me.

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  8. I am so impressed with your outlook. You are a strong willed and determined woman. I hope that you are able to transfer the other two embryos and have a bring home baby.

    Not having insurance coverage for treatments, medications and appointments really hurts. I also live in a non mandated state and feel it is so unfair we can't have coverage for a medical condition.

    FIngers crossed for you in the upcoming days and weeks.

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    1. It truly is unfair. It's probably the only aspect I get really jealous of reading about when some couples get to try again, and again, and again because they are so fortunate to have insurance coverage. Not fortunate in the fact that they need it though.... And I don't begrudge them for it, just am jealous and envious of the resources they have to keep trying.

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  9. I have to agree with all these other ladies. I really admire how you are handling all of this. I wish I could manage IF so gracefully. I really do hope you get your happy ending with your last embryos.

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    1. Haha! Well, I wish I could say I handled everything so gracefully! My husband would probably roll his eyes if he heard that, but I do try :) Thank you so much.

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  10. I'm so glad you were able to celebrate your baby for 9 weeks and 5 days. Being positive during times like these can be incredibly difficult and you're an amazing person for being able to do so. I'm thinking of you.

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  11. Both you and your husband and very impressive individuals and you convey your story very well. Excellent writing - I wish I was able to write at the same level.

    We too live in a non-mandated insurance state. Most of meds were covered (except not our surrogates) and I was in SHOCK.

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    1. You are the second person to say that about my writing and I just don't know what to say. I always feel like I am just rambling so it is very humbling to hear. Thank you. Although, I have to say that I have very much enjoyed reading your blog too and you write very well yourself.

      The meds are SO expensive! I was on the max dose possible so that was a limiting factor to choosing to do another round of IVF with my own eggs. Seemed like a waste of money if I wasn't going to produce the eggs anyway. That's awesome you got so much of yours covered! I am so happy for you right now and your positive pregnancy!

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  12. You have answered some of my thoughts from earlier this morning, you all felt blessed to have been able to have the experience of having been pregnant and being able to share the news with the in-laws. So glad that was there for all of you!!!
    My jaw dropped when I read there are 2 more eggs with excitement for you and prayers going out already for positive!!!! It just has to be positive!!!!! But then you mentioned Sis and since I know the rest of the story, I am only hoping that it hasn't effected the frozen eggs!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

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    1. Yes, now you know our secret :)

      I'm not sure what you mean about Sis and effecting the frozen eggs? They are actually already fertilized embryo's. It's just a matter of them surviving the thaw process (which is a 90% plus chance of survival) and then implanting. Only time will tell....

      Love you too :)

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    2. I was concerned about the extra chromosome effecting all of the embryo's. Medical technology is as baffling to me as these computers are!!!! But that question at this point is answered in a very positive way and prayers for success continue!!!

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