To Pee, or Not to Pee

To Pee, or Not to Pee.  That WAS the question.

And the answer was:  to pee!

On our first IVF, I refused to do a HPT because the clinic had highly stressed that they did not want us to.  I was a good girl and followed the rules, even though Hubby tried to convince me otherwise.  I wanted to do it right.

Well, this time around, especially after reading so many bloggers talk about their peeing on a stick addiction, I pretty much knew from day one that I wasn't going to hold out this time.  I was able to wait a full week before I broke down and bought a box with 2 tests in it.

Hubby and I talked that night, which was Monday, about when we thought we should do it.  I didn't want to do it too early, as I wanted the test to be as accurate as possible.  So the debate was should we test on Wednesday/Friday or wait till Friday/Sunday?  We decided to compromise and do it on Thursday.

Weeellllll.........

We had the tests in the house.  I broke.  I peed on the stick on Tuesday.  I didn't tell Hubby what I was doing, but after I was done I set it on the counter and left the bathroom.  I went to the living room and asked Hubby to come wait with me on the couch for 2 more minutes.  He was confused.  I told him we had 2 more minutes to wait, and then we would know.  The light bulb went off and we impatiently waited on the couch, telling each other not to take this too seriously and reminding each other that there could be a false-positive or a false-negative.  We didn't want to get over excited if it was positive, and we didn't want to get too depressed if it wasn't.  It still might be too early.  It was only 8dp3dt (8 days post 3 day transfer).

I got the HPT that either says "pregnant" or "not pregnant" in a digital readout.  Very simple.  When we went into the bathroom to look at the test results together, I saw that it said PREGNANT!!!  Hubby couldn't read it.  LOL!  It was sideways on the counter and he didn't know what he was looking for it to say!  So I turned the stick so he could read it better.

He gasped and got tears in his eyes and gave me a gentle hug.  As he was hugging me he said "I need to hug you.  But not too hard."  hahaha!  I laughed because he meant he didn't want to squish me and the baby.  It was really sweet.

And then we reminded each other not to get too excited again.  We still need to wait until Monday the 17th to find out for sure.

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Then yesterday, I went to target and bought a different brand that shows either 1 or 2 lines, 2 lines if you are pregnant.  I wanted to compare it to a different brand, to see if it would also say pregnant.  I took that test last night.  It had 2 lines = pregnant.  However, the second line is not as dark.  I'd say it's faint, but it is definitely visible.

 

I allowed myself to temporarily believe it is actually true and just allowed myself to be happy.  Notice I said temporarily.  Because I have nothing but doubts and questions and worries now.

 

Was it too early?

Do the medications (PIO and Estrace) I'm on cause an HCG surge that will read as a false-positive?

Is it just a chemical pregnancy like last time?

It's only a faint line, so it can't be real, can it?

 

While I am SOOOoooooo incredibly happy that we still have hope, I really, really, don't want to set myself up for failure.  I am so thankful that both tests showed a positive, because I was super afraid of seeing "not pregnant."  But I am still afraid.  I think I will still be afraid even on Monday after they tell us we are pregnant.  I'm afraid of a miscarriage.  I'm afraid that by the end of the week, assuming they have me come back for a second beta, that I will find out it was another chemical pregnancy.

 

I am holding out on doing another test now.  I was going to do it again maybe tomorrow or Saturday, but I'm afraid of that too.  I don't want the stupid pee stick to change it's mind.  For right now, I want to blissfully keep on hoping that it's really true and that we will have it confirmed on Monday.  Maybe blissfully isn't a good word to use.  It's hard to be blissful when you are so full of worry at the same time.  But we are at least hopeful.

 

I want to be a mom so badly.  I want Hubby to be a daddy.  I know we'd be good parents because we are the BEST Auntie and Uncle.

 

This 2 week wait is killing me.

 

Only 4 more days to wait.  Sigh.....