How Many Do We Choose: 2 or 3?

So today was the day.  Out of the 5 fertilized eggs, one of them didn't cleave, so we were left with 4 embryo's.  Here is what our 4 little embabies have made it to so far:

8 cell, grade 3.5
8 cell, grade 2.0
6 cell, grade 2.5
4 cell, grade I can't remember

Our clinic grades them 1 through 5, with 5 being the best, most perfect embryo there is.  The embryologist said they never give a 5.  She said our 2 best embabies were the 8 cell, grade 3.5 and the 6 cell, grade 2.5.  Because of this, we ended up with a 3 day transfer

The chances of the other 2 making it to freeze is very slim.  The other 8 cell was pretty fragmented, and the 4 cell might be okay, but it is pretty slow growing.  Reason being is because if the embabies can't make it that far, they will not survive the freeze or the thaw.  They never freeze before day 6.

Hubby and I both feel like this is pretty much it.  We were really hoping for some snow babies, just so we could have the peace of mind of at least one more chance, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.  Due to that, we were strongly debating whether we should put in 3 embabies today.  What if the 4 cell actually would have been our most successful chance at pregnancy?  And now we have lost that because we didn't put it in and it most likely won't make it to freeze.

We had an in depth conversation with both the embryologist and Dr. W and both of them felt that it was too risky.  Dr. W said that everything looked really good.  My sister is still young and producing good young eggs and I have a healthy uterus.  She said that it would go against protocol to transfer 3 eggs unless we would be willing to selectively reduce if we end up with triplets.

We explained how we feel this is our last shot at it because we cannot afford to continue further.  (the ARC package we used includes one FET, but if we don't even make it to that it's nil and void)  Dr. W understood that, but told us that the financial burden of having premature babies in the NICU is also very high and she would rather us not take that risk.  She said ALL triplets are born early. 

Now, I happen to personally know a few triplets that have grown to be healthy adults, so I DO know it is possible to have a good outcome to a multiples pregnancy.  I also have read MANY blogs with good outcomes.  However, I also have read several blogs that have resulted in miscarriages and health related issues with triplets.  I also know that I would have a very difficult time choosing to selectively reduce.  I don't know if I could live with myself if we did that.

So, Hubby and I agreed to just transfer 2 embryos, which I'm still not 100% convinced was the right choice.  In all honesty, I would really like to have twins.  I've never wanted to have an only child and twins would take care of it all in one swoop.The thought of triplets does scare me though, because I know they become even more high risk and what if we were to lose them all?  At this point, I will be VERY happy with just ONE healthy take home baby.  How do I know I won't have a high risk pregnancy with even just one?  We don't know that yet.  But hopefully we find out.  At the end of the day, we just want to be able to take a baby home with us in 9 months.  Whether it's one, two, three....please, please, please just let this work!!

So begins the 2 week wait....