Monday, March 4, 2013

Old Lady No More

Before we started pursuing infertility treatments 16 months ago, I never considered myself an old lady.  I mean, 38 is NOT old by any stretch of the imagination.  However, in the baby making world, it's getting pretty up there.  It actually IS considered old.  If you are pregnant, you are considered high risk because you are "advanced maternal age."

I may not have felt old before (IF has made me feel old), but I did have grey hair.  My mom was grey by the time she was 30, and at around age 28 I started getting a random grey hair here and there.  I don't have a FULL head of grey hair now, but it is definitely visible.

I never thought that I was a vain person.  I don't wear make-up and I don't fix my hair all fancy.  I wear sweats most of the time and am quite lucky that I get to wear such comfortable clothes every day for my job.  I always thought that people look their best in their natural hair color.  I actually even think grey hair is quite beautiful, white hair especially.  However, I changed my mind when I had grey hair at age 30.  The last few years, I have been getting the grey covered up.

Right now, I have a LOT of grey hair.  I had an appointment in early January to get my hair done.  I had to cancel the appointment because I ended up having my 2nd ultrasound on that day.  The decision was easy.  I would rather see my baby than have my hair done.  We rescheduled the hair appointment for 3 weeks later.  I ended up having to cancel again, because I had a D & C on the very same day of the rescheduled appointment.

About a week later, after the D & C, I was at a girl's basketball game at the high school.  We live in a small community, so you pretty much know everyone.  At the end of the game, I had one of my softball dad's (my absolute least favorite, so not looking forward to the season because of him) say to me "ooohhhh, you're looking a little grey."  Yes.  I know, asshole.  (pardon me)  I just smiled and said, "yep.  I've actually been grey for quite some time now."  Inside I was simmering and thinking about how I wouldn't be grey if I hadn't had a miscarriage.

What I should have told him was "yeah, I would have had the grey covered up by now but I was pregnant so had to cancel my hair appointment because I had an ultrasound.  I rescheduled the appointment, but then had to cancel again because I had a miscarriage and they had to remove it from my body.  So yeah, I have grey hair."  I would have loved to make him feel like the jerk he is.  But I didn't.

Today, I finally get to have my hair cut and colored though!  I am so excited to cover up my grey hair and to not look like quite the old lady.  For crying out loud, I am only 38 years old.  I should NOT have grey hair yet!  Maybe when I'm 80.  By then, maybe I will be able to accept the fact that I am old and will be able to wear it proudly.

26 comments:

  1. I bet you would have loved to say that to him! I would have! have fun getting your hair done!!

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    1. Looking back, I really wish I did. The guy is such a jerk.

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  2. It's funny that you mention that about grey hair, I often think to myself "how can I have a baby when I already have grey hair?" lol Of course it's covered with high-lights but still it just seems all wrong ya know. :-)

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    1. Exactly! I stressed about having my hair done, but then I read in several places that it is permissible to dye your hair, so I was going to just do it anyway. I didn't want to have grey hair in my first pictures with my baby! haha!

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  3. Sorry but I had to giggle on this post. It seriously reminded me so much of myself. Of course my grey hair started at the wonderful age of 20 and now I am about 40% grey. The only thing better then grey this early is having AMA on your chart at RE's office. Sometime you have to sit back and just laugh!

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    1. So you know exactly how I feel! I'm glad I was able to tickle your funny bone :) You are right, sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh!

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  4. My husband started going grey several years ago and now, at 42, he is almost completely grey. He hates it, but also hates the idea of the maintenance involved in coloring it so he just complains about it instead of doing something.
    Also, my roots are so grown out and it looks terrible. So, so awful but I am nervous about getting my hair colored right now. Did your RE say it was ok? I haven't had a chance to ask yet. I always thought it was a silly thing to not be able to do while pregnant but the internet is so full of doom and gloom I don't know what to do. Ugh.

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    1. I think men are sexy with grey hair. I'm sure there are exceptions. But if I were a man, I probably wouldn't like grey hair then either! lol

      I was really nervous about it too, but the ob/gyn office I was going to use said that "hair dye and perms are permissible during pregnancy." I read that a few places, and my hair dresser told me the same thing. I still wasn't going to do it, but then I couldn't stand the thought of having grey hair in the first pictures I ever had with my baby!! You have to do what you feel comfortable with though.

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  5. I have been in a mini panic about my impending 38th birthday in a few weeks, but like you, I feel 'old' only in relation to IF. A good reminder to keep it in its place! I have to admit, I'd have relished the opportunity to embarrass the hell outta that stupid softball dad. Enjoy getting your hair done!

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    1. I always thought it was silly when people got so upset when they celebrated their birthdays...until the day I turned 37 and realized I still didn't have a baby. Then it got real!!

      I really wish I did tell that guy, because he so would have deserved the embarrassment!

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  6. Oh my goodness! What a jerk that father is!!

    Hoping you have a nice relaxing day at the salon :)

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    1. yes, he really is a jerk. I am definitely looking forward to finally having my hair done! Thanks!

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  7. Ha ha! You should have said it. Blow him away. :) Have fun getting your hair done!

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    1. I really wish I would have. It's not some big secret I'm keeping anymore, so I wish I would have because he totally would have deserved eating crow.

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  8. How many times have I found myself being polite to jerkish people, when I knew if I said the truth it would put them in their place?! ugh... at least we can complain about it on our blogs later lol!!

    I recently chopped all my hair off. Part of it was because I was reeling from infertility stress, and partly because it was damaged and I wanted it to grow in healthy. Now it's so short and boring and I want to dye it but I won't let myself because I want it to be as healthy as possible.... hair can be a stressful thing too!

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    1. I usually let my hair grow out really long, then chop it all off. Then let it grow, then chop it all off. I hate that in between stage, but finally it is long again! They say you can dye your hair when pregnant. I just wouldn't bleach it. I do what is called a semi-permanent hair color that eventually washes out (4-6 weeks), so I never have root problems and is actually more like a conditioner.

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  9. What a dick. You should have said something like "Well, I can colour my hair but you can't do anything about being a douchebag." I always thought I was hiding my greys but I got bangs cut a few months ago and now I part my hair differently...right where my grey patch is, apparently. They streak out everywhere now! Ugh, I totally feel your pain.

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  10. I think I would have punched him. How inappropriate! I've been discovering grey hairs and it makes me sad since I am 30. My mom and grandma both went grey early, too, though, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

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  11. What an asshole! I've been trying different creams for my crow's feet. I thought my adult acne would help me look younger as I aged, figuring that you can't have wrinkles and acne at the same time -wrong again! Hope your hair appointment went well!

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  12. Ugh. Why do people think others want their stupid opinions when not asked? Amazing self control you've got there. I'm snarky enough to say something to that guy.

    Hope you got pampered at the salon!

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  13. I am pretty gray and started coloring my hair maybe 8 years ago and I can't tell you how much better I felt about myself when I saw how much younger I looked. I generally don't spend much time on my appearance, but I can totally relate to how it makes you feel good about yourself. I hope you're feeling spry like a 20 year old today! :)

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  14. I agree ! Should have said it! I am sure you look very young though since you are in such good shape! I can relate to the hair: due to POF hormone changes and my dad's genes. I am gray at 26. I dye it at home for $6 every month. My hubby is 25 and gray but loves it. Since he is 25 year old doctor, he thinks it helps him look more distinguished. Men get all teh luck in the aging gracefuly dept!

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  15. I probably would have killed that guy. But I'm a crazy lady! Good for you for not telling him to kick rocks. I'm sure you look great with or without the grey but I'm glad you got in finally! I love getting my hair done.

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  16. I have had gray hair since the age of 6 (seriously). When I started to get skunk patches on my temples around age 30 I decided I had enough. Now every 5-6 weeks (if I wait too long it gets BAD) I get my hair dyed (I'm currently 34). My hair dresser said that I can get highlights with ammonia-free dye during my first trimester, but I have to get pregnant first and then ask a dr if this is true....

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  17. I am just boiling inside picturing the scene at that basketball game. I would have either cried or freaked out at him, so I admire your composure.

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  18. So sorry for the rude guy! But that was a LOL funny blog! Brought up the memory of being in the back seat behind your Mom while we 3 ladies (Grandma) were going to Portland to shop. All of a sudden I saw ALL the gray hair your Mom had before she was 30!!!!! That is just wrong! And there is my Mother with all of her gray hair and I DID NOT want to have gray hair before I turned 30!!!!! Good grief! Luckily that was one gene I did not get!!!!! Sorry you have had to deal with it. But this is something I have just learned about you!!! Guessing Sis is doing the same thing?!!! Now I just deal with the gray hair or I should say, just ignore. Don't look in the mirror you don't see it!! Until one sheds!!!

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