Today I read a post about a gal who's best friend is pregnant. This gal has had to distance herself from her best friend. I've also read about others who have chosen to un-friend people on facebook so they don't have to see their gushy baby pictures or read about pregnancies.
As someone that has been trying to get pregnant for 13 years, and who has recently experienced my first pregnancy only to miscarry at 9 weeks, 5 days, I do understand that it can be hard. I just don't feel like I need that separation from anything baby related. Please don't take that the wrong way though. Each person reacts differently and feels things differently. I'm just sharing how I personally feel about seeing others pregnant and having babies.
It's actually very difficult for me to put it all into words. I've been formulating this post for a long time in my head. Now to put it in print... First, I do get rather ticked off when I see someone that should NOT have children get pregnant. I'm not THAT immune! My mother being one. But then, I wouldn't have my brother if she hadn't had him. Second, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to feeling envy when I see or hear of people getting pregnant or having babies. My heart hurts for myself and my husband that we can't have them ourselves.
However, I think it would be such an injustice to not allow myself to be happy for my friends and family when they have babies. It would be an injustice to myself and it would be an injustice to them. These are the people I am supposed to love and care about. I would not ever wish my infertile problems on them. Are they supposed to not have kids because I can't? What kind of thinking is that? I could let myself feel sorry for myself (which I do at times) or I can work on being happy for them and the fact that they are giving me babies to love on. There is NOTHING in this world more awesome than loving and cuddling with a baby. It is my absolutely favorite thing to do. If my friends and family didn't have their kids, or if I chose to stay away and distance myself from them when they do have them, I would not get the opportunity to love on those babies.
Hubby and I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and another one on the way. They mean the WORLD to us! And you know what? I know we are pretty special to those kids too. If we chose to stay away from them, because we let ourselves feel the pain too much because they aren't OURS, we would not have the special bond with them that we do. I feel pretty damn lucky that we have these kids in our life. I feel pretty damn lucky that I've been given the opportunity to witness 2 of their births.
So, to introduce to you the most important, precious babies in our life:
|My sister's kids: Steven 2 1/2 years, Nathanial 13 months, Eliana 7|
My brother's boy on the far right: Urijah 23 months
|Hubby's brother's kids: JayCee 3, Jade 5|
Without these kids in our life, we wouldn't have these moments:
Now you've seen a snapshot of my life. Now you know what Hubby and I look like. And you've seen our kids. Okay, not OUR kids, but these are the babies we love.
Of course I still want my own baby(s). More than anything I want my own. I want to be able to love and kiss on my own babies any time I want to, not just when their parents allow us too, or when we have time to go see them. Sometimes my heart aches when I am around my nieces and nephews because I would love to give them cousins. I just don't allow an all consuming overwhelming sadness to take over, one that doesn't allow me to be the best Auntie I can be.
The same applies to my friends and their babies. It might be bittersweet, and there may be a sense of sadness, but I will never allow it to interfere with my happiness for them. I will never let it keep me from loving on their babies when they let me.
If I let my sadness and my grief over not being a mommy myself keep me from seeing these kids, I would be missing out on SO MUCH love. I have so much love to give. And you know what else? Those kids also love me. I would be missing out on the love that they have to share with me.