I've been thinking about this post for awhile now. Seems like a good time to talk about all the pregnancy announcements I've heard over the years that have impacted me the most.
*Let's start with my freshman year of high school. My best friend at the time got pregnant. She was 14 years old and her senior boyfriend didn't want to graduate a virgin. Good for him. They had sex one time, and she got pregnant. Life changed forever at the age of 14.
I coach high school softball. I am known in our community for giving a "Prom Talk" every spring. With Prom always taking place during our softball season, I take the opportunity to talk to them about drugs and alcohol, sex, and driving careful. I am very blunt and I share with them my own personal experiences of my best friend getting pregnant at 14, of having alcoholic/drug addicts for parents, and the statistics of car accidents/deaths that happen every year during Prom. The older girls, the juniors and seniors that have heard this speech prior years, can pretty much give the speech for me. I have parents all the time tell me they can't wait for their daughters to hear the Prom Talk.
In my 20 years of coaching, I've had one girl come to me and tell me she was pregnant. She was a senior. She was on birth control and they also used a condom. I use her as an example to the younger girls now as well. If you aren't prepared to be a parent, you shouldn't be having sex because even when you do everything right in taking precautions, your life can still be changed forever, before you are ready.
Both my friend and my softball player have done an outstanding job of dealing with their circumstances and raising their children. They were very blessed with those babies, but I know that they would have preferred those blessings to come a little later in their lives.
*When I was a senior in high school myself, my sister and I were living with our grandparents. (Our dad was out of the picture. Parents divorced when I was 5 and he lives in Montana. The last time I had contact with him was when I was in 9th grade when he called drunk, proclaiming to still love our mother. Prior to that I hadn't talked to him in several years) At this time, my mom was in the midst of being a drug addict. Any type of drug she could get her hands on. She had a boyfriend that was only 7 years older than me that was an ex-convict and also a user and an abuser. He beat her on a regular basis.
One day, I was talking on the phone with my mom and she announced she was pregnant. I was livid. I did NOT understand how she could think it was okay to bring a child into the world under the circumstances she was living. She told me that dickhead boyfriend wanted to be a daddy. I lost all respect for my mother on that day.
I should tell you my mom's history. She was an addict before she had me, but stopped using when she got pregnant with me. (Thank you Lord!) She was clean and sober until my freshman year of high school when she met this dickhead. She had gone to nursing school and did her best to raise us until this time. Then when I was 14 and a freshman, my life went to hell. My sister was only 8 years old.
She had my baby brother and he spent the first years of his life living out of a car and being homeless. He lived with a few foster parents throughout elementary school and pretty much had a crappy start. My sister took him in once as a foster parent for a short time, which probably wasn't the best scenario either.
How is it that people like this are allowed to be parents? I find it extremely unfair and unsettling that she could bring a child into the world under these circumstances, but yet I've been married for 15 years, have a solid home, have NEVER smoked a cigarette in my life, let alone done drugs. I have a college education and a decent job, but I can't have kids.
Please note that my mom has now been clean and sober once again for about 17 years and the lunatic dickhead boyfriend has been long gone during this time. It took a VERY long time for me to forgive my mother. We are now on good terms, although we have never quite gained back the same relationship we once had. She is a good person at heart and I love her, but I will never forget that she chose drugs over her children.
*Fast forward to my sister's first pregnancy. She was unmarried, and supposedly had just broken up with her loser boyfriend. She was about 3 months pregnant and it was her birthday lunch celebration when she announced to everyone she was pregnant. It was a major slap in the face to me. I was so excruciatingly hurt at the time. For two reasons: 1. because she hadn't told me and 2. because Hubby and I had been trying to get pregnant for about 5 years at this point.
Sis chose to tell everyone on her own birthday, because that was her day to be ruined. She was afraid to tell everyone because she wasn't married and nobody really liked her boyfriend. He really is a loser with a capital L. The family was upset at first, but I think mostly on my behalf because it just really wasn't fair that we had been trying for so long already, and here she was pregnant when she shouldn't be.
I quickly got over it and so did everyone else. I went through Lamaze classes with her and was supposed to be there for the birth, but my niece chose to come early while I was in Texas with my softball team at Nationals. This girl stole her Uncle and Auntie's hearts and we love her so much!
*Fast forward again. Sis gets married to a good man that loves her and takes care of her. They have two more babies and they invite me to be at their ultrasound appointments and at both of their births. I am SO lucky to have been able to witness the miracle of both of my nephew's births. It really was amazing and meant so much to me that Sis and her husband invited me to be a part of those special moments. Even though I loved every second of being there for their births, it was also a kick in the heart that it was something that I most likely would never be able to experience for myself.
*Between the birth of my sister's two boys, came the announcement that my brother was expecting a baby. He was a senior in high school at the time and so was his girlfriend. Ahhhhh!!!!!! Again, a slap in the face. Why the hell is it that these two kids just getting ready to graduate high school can get pregnant and have a baby when they don't want to be!?!!?? Again, I love this nephew too, although I really never get to see him. I will say that my brother has been such a good daddy to him, but the situation is less than ideal with the mom turning out to be kind of a wacko. My brother has had a rough lot in life, but he tries to work hard and takes care of his boy the best he can.
*Hubby's brother and his wife also have two little girls. I remember very clearly meeting them for dinner with the in-laws and them making the announcement of their first pregnancy. While I was so happy for them, my head and my heart started throbbing with envy that it was them and not us. I remember my mother-n-law started crying, but trying to hold back from being too excited, because she knew it was hard on Hubby and I.
*And now...my sister is pregnant again. One month after donating her eggs to me, she gets pregnant herself. She is due about one month after my baby was supposed to be born. While I am so happy for her and can't wait to snuggle and love another niece or nephew, I am heartbroken for myself.
I feel like I am destined to be happy for other people and their growing families. I feel like Hubby and I are going to have to settle for loving on our nieces and nephews, but to grow old by ourselves. Yes, we have two frozen embryo's that we plan to use, but we know that one of them was questionable and most likely won't survive the freezing and thawing process. That leaves us with one frosty that may or may not work. I am not holding my breath. Life has handed me a lot of lemons and I am prepared for more lemonade.