Monday, June 3, 2013

The Results Are In

I've known since last Tuesday, almost a full week, that I am pregnant.  I absolutely could not keep from peeing on a stick (poas).  So at 4dp6dt (4 days post 6 day transfer), I went to Target right after work and bought 6 hpt's.  I HAD to buy two packages of 3 because I got a $5 gift card back!  I came home, and poas.  The result showed a faint, but clearly visible second line.

I've read from so many people that it is best to poas first thing in the morning so that your urine is undiluted.  I tested this out the very next morning because I was curious if it would make a difference.  I wanted to see if the line would be darker.  To my disappointment, it wasn't.  It has not ever made one bit of difference if I poas first thing in the morning, early afternoon, or late evening.  It also hasn't made a lick of difference if I drank a lot of water or not, another thing I've read on other blogs.  I personally do not ever see a difference.  A positive has always been a positive.  This was on Wednesday.

I was going to wait until Friday to test again.  (I don't want to become an addict!)  But at the encouragement of a few friends (it didn't take much), I tested again on Thursday.  Low and behold, the line was darker!

I tested one more time on Saturday morning (not because I'm an addict, haha! but because I did want to see the progression), and the second line was definitely darker, and just as dark as the base line.  Woo Hoo!!!

I showed Hubby each of these tests, but he has stayed very neutral and not very excited.  I know he is just trying to not get invested emotionally at this point because of our past experiences.  Our first go-round with IVF, we had a chemical pregnancy.  Our last cycle, we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, 5 days.  He said he's just having trouble believing it.  I asked him when he would start believing it.  His response was "when this kid turns 18!"


Today, at 10dp6dt, my beta HCG is 416, which confirms my positive pregnancy!  When I got pregnant last time, my first beta came back 636 at 14dp3dt.  There's a one day difference between the two, so I'm not putting a lot of thought into the 416 number other than knowing I'm pregnant!

Now the real fear begins.  I go back on Wednesday morning for my second beta blood draw.  I knew what the result would be today.  I had absolutely no doubt I would get a good number based on my pee sticks.  However, on my drive to the clinic this morning I felt such an incredible sense of dread.  Not for my results today, but for what will come next.  I am so afraid of the numbers not progressing as they should.  Or if they do, I'm afraid that there won't be a heart beat and proper growth at the first ultrasound.  And then after that, I will fear the next ultrasound.  And after that......

The fear goes on.  I was so excited and in such a good place emotionally about all this before today.  Now, I just have such a heavy sense of doom lurking over me.  I know that is terrible!  I just told Hubby the other night when he was so passive about all this, that regardless of the outcome, I just want to enjoy it while we can!  If we don't make it to a take home baby at the end of all this, I don't want to miss out on the time we DO have to be pregnant.

Now, I wish I could follow my own advice...

39 comments:

  1. Um, yayyyyyy! That is so exciting!! So very happy for you. I hope that you're able to take your own advice, enjoy this time and not worry, but I must say I'd be a hypocrite to say that. At this very moment I'm hard at work constructing a giant bubble in which to live for my next possible pregnancy.

    Best of luck to you. You deserve this.

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  2. Congratulations!!!! What wonderful news. Will be thinking of you in the coming days/weeks.

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  3. Congrats again on the pregnancy! I know when I get my BFP that I will struggle with it as well. I think all infertiles and women who have had miscarriages go through these feelings. I am sending you the stickiest vibes I can.

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  4. Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I am thrilled for you!

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  5. First of all and MOST importantly, congrats on a great strong beta! I know and understand the fear you are talking about so completely. I used to think that two lines and a few nice doubling numbers meant a successful nine month pregnancy. Now I know that is only a small piece to a huge puzzle. With that being said, you having donor eggs and already what happened previously, I feel so good about this go around. My hope is each and every milestone is passed with flying colors and you and your husband welcome your new beautiful baby in 8 months. So many hugs to you Amber!

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  6. Congrats hun!!! The early days are the scariest! Praying so hard that this is your tale home baby(ies)!! :)

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  7. Awesome news Amber, just take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment! BTW: anticlimactic title, I almost had a heart attack!

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  8. I am so excited to read this! Yay!!! So happy for you. I know there are many, many hurdles still to get over but you made it past the first one and that's the important part right now. I am really wishing and believing that this is your take home baby. Yay!!!

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  9. Yay!!!! I'm so, so, so happy for you. What strong lines you had. I never noticed a difference between FMU and other times of the day. In fact, my tests always seemed lightest in the mornings. Yay!!!!!,!

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  10. CONGRATULATIONS! So very excited for you. I knew this would work!! This is the one, I can feel it.

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  11. this is the best news I have heard in a long time!!! huge congrats and hugs. i am so very happy for you!!!!

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  12. So thrilled! I am so excited for you. I totally understand your concern and I don't think I would be any different. But, with that being said-- I do hope that you do try and focus on the good and being pregnant for now.

    Wishing the best and prayin hard!!!!!

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  13. Congratulations!!!! I'm so happy for you!!! STICKY VIBES!!

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  14. CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm so excited for you! I know that it is really hard to trust that this is it, but there is nothing you can do at this point. Positive thoughts are always helpful. Crossing my fingers for you!!

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  15. OMG OMG OMG. So excited so excited!!!

    I know exactly what you mean by the gloom and doom, but do yourself and favor and just enjoy the moment. It's so hard for us to do and I think we miss so much because we worry. Enjoy that today YOU ARE PREGNANT. And not only that - but you are pregnant with AWESOME beta numbers.

    Hurrah hurrah hurrah!

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  16. Wooo to the double whoooooo! I tell you, girlie, this time will be different. I feel it in my bones!

    So excited for you. Keep taking it one day at a time. YEA!! :)

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  17. Amber, I have been waiting for an update from you, and I am so incredibly happy for you. Congratulations! I can understand that this is simultaneously exciting and terrifying, but I hope you can find a way to look forward and enjoy the possibilities! I am looking forward to hearing great news from you on Wednesday and for 9 more months. :)

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  18. Congratulations!!!! Celebrate your baby! :)

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  19. So incredibly thrilled for you, my dear! Those lines do look progressively darker to me, but your awesome beta says it all anyway. I can understand your and your husband's fears and dread, but just take one day at a time, and this day ... you are pregnant.

    Also, I hope you used that $5 gift card for a bottle of something bubbly, celebratory, and non-alcoholic :)

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  20. Hurray, Hurray, hurray!! Stick baby stick!! I am in the same position you are right now, where i have the BFP and yet am filled with fear and doubt that this baby will be coming home with me. I hope your baby is here to stay. Sending you the stickiest thoughts ever.

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  21. This so very exciting! I am so happy for you :) Keeping you in my prayers :)

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  22. YAAAAAA!! Those are some beautiful lines!! Congrats!!

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  23. Wow, Congratulations!!!!! That's a great beta. Stay positive and enjoy it :)

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  24. I am so happy for you. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the numbers do what they should and in 18 years you can look at your husband and say, believe it now!

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  25. I am over the moon happy and excited for you, though I also feel your fears and anxiety. I'm sending all of the positive thoughts and energy that I can spare. I'll be here in the cheering section all the way!

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  26. CONGRATULATIONS Amber!!! 416 is a great number at 10 days post 6 day transfer!!! I am so excited! I know that you want to be cautious, but do try to take yoru own advice and enjoy the fact that you are pregnant!!! HUGS!

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  27. I'm so excited for you! Fingers crossed! My mind didn't ease up until I hit 20 weeks and had my anatomy scan. I was worried every day with all the what if's. Stay strong girl!!!!!! I pray this is your take home baby.

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  28. WOOOO HOOOOOO! That is such amazing news!

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  29. OMG YAY!!!!!!! I am so so so so happy for you!!!!!

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  30. Omg omg omg!!! I am SO happy for you, lady!! You deserve this so much- I'm praying that all continues to go well.... Woohoo!! xoxo

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  31. Thank you so much everyone! I'm excited and scared all at the same time!

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  32. Wonderful news. Hoping the numbers continue to rise properly.

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  33. My SIL never had a difference in AM or PM either, only if she held it forever was there a difference.. Not sure if this makes a difference to you or not, but most clinics still count it as a 5dt even if the embie was frozen on day 6!! So your number is a little "better" technically, which is a good thing! CONGRATS to you and hubby, you are definitely pregnant!!! Our 9dp5dt was 135 so I am VERY encouraged by your number, woooohooooo!!!!

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  34. YAYYYYY!!!!!! This is the best news ever!!! I am so incredibly happy for you! I just know this is going to be your take home baby! I cant' wait to read about the rest of your journey :) xoxo

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  35. I'm so happy for your! I hope that your beta has doubled nicely today and that you have an easy, uneventful pregnancy. I'm excited to follow you on your journey!

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  36. Ohhhhh, Amber! You make me laugh (I don't want to be addicted), you make me cry (the fear and wanting to enjoy every moment)!!! I will be praying for you that you and T (how funny was T, I will believe when the baby turns 18)get your heart's desire and that you can enjoy every moment and that the fear creeps in, less and less every day!!!!! I love you and so anxious to read your newest post next!!! Love you, Auntie

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  37. Yay yay yay! So exciting! And so scary too. I totally hear ya on that one. Prayers are ramping up all over the place for you though. We've got your back.

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