I've known since last Tuesday, almost a full week, that I am pregnant. I absolutely could not keep from peeing on a stick (poas). So at 4dp6dt (4 days post 6 day transfer), I went to Target right after work and bought 6 hpt's. I HAD to buy two packages of 3 because I got a $5 gift card back! I came home, and poas. The result showed a faint, but clearly visible second line.
I've read from so many people that it is best to poas first thing in the morning so that your urine is undiluted. I tested this out the very next morning because I was curious if it would make a difference. I wanted to see if the line would be darker. To my disappointment, it wasn't. It has not ever made one bit of difference if I poas first thing in the morning, early afternoon, or late evening. It also hasn't made a lick of difference if I drank a lot of water or not, another thing I've read on other blogs. I personally do not ever see a difference. A positive has always been a positive. This was on Wednesday.
I was going to wait until Friday to test again. (I don't want to become an addict!) But at the encouragement of a few friends (it didn't take much), I tested again on Thursday. Low and behold, the line was darker!
I tested one more time on Saturday morning (not because I'm an addict, haha! but because I did want to see the progression), and the second line was definitely darker, and just as dark as the base line. Woo Hoo!!!
I showed Hubby each of these tests, but he has stayed very neutral and not very excited. I know he is just trying to not get invested emotionally at this point because of our past experiences. Our first go-round with IVF, we had a chemical pregnancy. Our last cycle, we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, 5 days. He said he's just having trouble believing it. I asked him when he would start believing it. His response was "when this kid turns 18!"
Today, at 10dp6dt, my beta HCG is 416, which confirms my positive pregnancy! When I got pregnant last time, my first beta came back 636 at 14dp3dt. There's a one day difference between the two, so I'm not putting a lot of thought into the 416 number other than knowing I'm pregnant!
Now the real fear begins. I go back on Wednesday morning for my second beta blood draw. I knew what the result would be today. I had absolutely no doubt I would get a good number based on my pee sticks. However, on my drive to the clinic this morning I felt such an incredible sense of dread. Not for my results today, but for what will come next. I am so afraid of the numbers not progressing as they should. Or if they do, I'm afraid that there won't be a heart beat and proper growth at the first ultrasound. And then after that, I will fear the next ultrasound. And after that......
The fear goes on. I was so excited and in such a good place emotionally about all this before today. Now, I just have such a heavy sense of doom lurking over me. I know that is terrible! I just told Hubby the other night when he was so passive about all this, that regardless of the outcome, I just want to enjoy it while we can! If we don't make it to a take home baby at the end of all this, I don't want to miss out on the time we DO have to be pregnant.
Now, I wish I could follow my own advice...