Terrified!

Sis is doing the trigger shot tonight!  Egg retrieval is set for 9:30am on Friday.  As of today, it looks like she has 12 eggs, but 2 of them are small so most likely will not be mature enough.  They are hoping for 10 mature eggs out of the bunch.  It's not a large number, but it's the quality that matters, not the quantity!

With Sis triggering tonight, that means tomorrow I have to start the PIO (progesterone in oil) injections.  And THAT is what I am absolutely TERRIFIED of!!!!!!!  Have you seen the needle for this injection?  Well.... let me show you.

The little needle is the size of pretty much all the injections that I've done up till now.  The big ASS needle is the one used for the PIO injection!  I call it the big ASS needle because that is exactly what it is.  This injection is intermuscular, so it is injected into the butt.  Or the rear end.  Or the ass.  Or the Gluteus Maximus.  Whatever you want to call it.  I usually don't say a**, but in this instance, I feel it's necessary!  Do you SEE the size of that sucker!??!!?  Oh. My. Garsh.

I know this makes me an absolute baby, but I have NEVER liked shots.  I was one of those kids that my poor mother had to hold down when she took me to the doctor for shots.  It was so bad, my Grandma had to come along to help.  Actually, I don't know why my Grandma was there, but I've been ribbed about this my whole life and I know Grandma was there on occasion.  I just assume she was along because my mom needed help.  I remember crying and screaming and NOT wanting that darn doctor near me.

The few of my family members that actually know about us seeking infertility treatments have been very impressed when they found out about all the injections.  Then, of course, the story was told once again about how awful I was as a kid.  I can't deny it.  I was.

I must say that I feel I've been pretty stoic throughout both IVF attempts, and also this past month of the Lupron shots during our donor egg cycle.  In addition to that was all the blood draws.  When I have to get a blood draw, I just turn my head.  I can't look at the needle at all, but otherwise I actually do pretty good.  I don't pass out, cry, or anything like that.

However, the thought of getting stabbed with that big ASS needle is quite terrifying to me and makes me feel quite nauseous.  Hubby does not inspire a lot of confidence in me either as he is mortified at HAVING to be the one to stab me in the butt.  He says we are going to need to block out an hour for it because it's going to take that long for him to build up his courage.  GREAT!

I actually think I could do one side by myself, but I have no dexterity in my left hand what-so-ever to give it to myself on the left side.  And my right hand just doesn't reach that far.  Ugh!

To top it all off, the nurse the other day told me that the medication itself is actually quite painful because it's an oil.  She's been through the process, so she knows all about it.  Again, GREAT!  Way to make me feel better about it! 

The good news is that I no longer have to continue the Lupron shots.  I also only have to take 2 doses of Estrace/day now and no longer have to take it vaginally.  That is at least something!

I just keep telling myself that if the end result is a baby, I can do this.  We just better get pregnant to make it all worthwhile.  While we are at it, I don't want to just get pregnant.  I want a baby to take home when it's all said and done.  Of course, that would mean 3 MONTHS of PIO injections......Oy!