I am ridiculously unmotivated. I haven't been motivated to blog. I'm not motivated to exercise. I'm not motivated to eat right. I'm not motivated to go outside and pull weeds. To clean out my car. To go through all the clothes Ayden and Rylee have grown out of. To clean our garage and finish unpacking. Shall I go on? I'm sure I can come up with more things. These are all things I WANT to do. I just can't seem to find the motivation to actually do them!
I came across this picture yesterday:
That was me at 14 weeks pregnant with Ayden and Rylee. I have to say, I was impressed by how small I looked, other than being pregnant. I thought "wow! I actually looked kind of cute!" Where'd that cute little me go? My arms and my face most definitely don't look that small right now. I think that bump might match the bump I currently have. I'm not going to take a picture to document it though. Yesterday I happened to look down and I did a double take because I actually looked like I had a baby bump. Whoa. That's not okay! But what did I do about it? I made Banana Chocolate Zucchini Bread last night. It's not healthy. Especially when you've already eaten a whole loaf pan of it already. Okay, well, I did share some with Ayden and Rylee. But still. What in the world is it going to take to get my butt in shape and start eating healthier?
I used to be a personal trainer. I KNOW how to exercise. I KNOW how to eat right. I'm just so incredibly unmotivated to do it right now. I go for walks regularly with Ayden and Rylee. We play outside frequently. We've done a month of swim lessons with them. We are active. It's just not exercise that is going to make a difference to my fat body. Eating is a whole different subject. I like to eat. I like to eat ice cream. A lot. That's how I tend to decompress during nap time. I need to change that habit.
Don't get me wrong. I don't expect to have a perfect after-birthing-twins body. But I am fully aware of the fact that I also don't need to look like the butterball that I do today. Mmmm, butter! Just kidding!!!!! haha! I need to change my ways. If only so I can be healthier for Ayden and Rylee. When Ayden and Rylee are 20, I will be 60. When they are 30 and probably have kids, I will be 70. It's going to be questionable how long I will be around to see my grandchildren grow up. I want to be able to play with them and enjoy them. I know it's possible to be an old lady and be active and fit, but I also know that won't happen if I don't do something to improve my health right now. Heck, I want to be able to coach my kids' Little League teams. At the rate I'm going right now, that won't happen either.
It's time to make some changes. I just NEED to find that one thing that is going to click and give me the motivation to make it happen. I know that motivation can't come from anybody else but myself. I just need to find whatever it is that is going to turn the switch. I don't have a goal weight in mind, or a dress size. Who am I kidding? I don't wear dresses! I just want to feel better in my own skin. I want some of my old clothes to fit. Not all of them, but it would be nice if my stretchy sweatpants would at least fit!!! I want to have the energy to play more with Ayden and Rylee. You'd think that would be my motivation, right? So why hasn't it clicked in yet?