Friday, August 21, 2015

So. Not. Motivated.

I am ridiculously unmotivated.  I haven't been motivated to blog.  I'm not motivated to exercise.  I'm not motivated to eat right.  I'm not motivated to go outside and pull weeds.  To clean out my car.  To go through all the clothes Ayden and Rylee have grown out of.  To clean our garage and finish unpacking.  Shall I go on?  I'm sure I can come up with more things. These are all things I WANT to do.  I just can't seem to find the motivation to actually do them!

I came across this picture yesterday:


That was me at 14 weeks pregnant with Ayden and Rylee.  I have to say, I was impressed by how small I looked, other than being pregnant.  I thought "wow! I actually looked kind of cute!"  Where'd that cute little me go?   My arms and my face most definitely don't look that small right now.  I think that bump might match the bump I currently have.  I'm not going to take a picture to document it though.  Yesterday I happened to look down and I did a double take because I actually looked like I had a baby bump.  Whoa.  That's not okay!  But what did I do about it?  I made Banana Chocolate Zucchini Bread last night.  It's not healthy. Especially when you've already eaten a whole loaf pan of it already.  Okay, well, I did share some with Ayden and Rylee.  But still.  What in the world is it going to take to get my butt in shape and start eating healthier?

I used to be a personal trainer.  I KNOW how to exercise.  I KNOW how to eat right.  I'm just so incredibly unmotivated to do it right now.  I go for walks regularly with Ayden and Rylee. We play outside frequently.  We've done a month of swim lessons with them.  We are active. It's just not exercise that is going to make a difference to my fat body.  Eating is a whole different subject.  I like to eat.  I like to eat ice cream.  A lot.  That's how I tend to decompress during nap time.  I need to change that habit.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't expect to have a perfect after-birthing-twins body.  But I am fully aware of the fact that I also don't need to look like the butterball that I do today. Mmmm, butter!  Just kidding!!!!!  haha!  I need to change my ways.  If only so I can be healthier for Ayden and Rylee.  When Ayden and Rylee are 20, I will be 60.  When they are 30 and probably have kids, I will be 70.  It's going to be questionable how long I will be around to see my grandchildren grow up.  I want to be able to play with them and enjoy them.  I know it's possible to be an old lady and be active and fit, but I also know that won't happen if I don't do something to improve my health right now.  Heck, I want to be able to coach my kids' Little League teams.  At the rate I'm going right now, that won't happen either.

It's time to make some changes.  I just NEED to find that one thing that is going to click and give me the motivation to make it happen.  I know that motivation can't come from anybody else but myself.  I just need to find whatever it is that is going to turn the switch.  I don't have a goal weight in mind, or a dress size.  Who am I kidding?  I don't wear dresses!  I just want to feel better in my own skin.  I want some of my old clothes to fit.  Not all of them, but it would be nice if my stretchy sweatpants would at least fit!!!  I want to have the energy to play more with Ayden and Rylee.  You'd think that would be my motivation, right?  So why hasn't it clicked in yet?

12 comments:

  1. Ugh I hear you. Granted I'm pregnant now and get a pass but I know I could be exercising and eating better now. Motivation is so hard to get. I envy the women who make eating well and working out a lifestyle for them because for me it's always been work. So obviously I don't have any helpful advice but just to say, I hear you and you're busy with those babies and I hope you find some small ways to make some changes. :)

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    1. I envy them too! At least you have a valid reason right now! I gave myself a pass, but my babies are approaching 2 years old. I can't keep using that as an excuse!

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  2. Its hard to find time for everything! I was much more active before starting back at work. I was doing the bikini body mommy workouts.

    You will find balance :)

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    1. Thank you! It definitely is a challenge finding the balance between caring for myself and family at the same time. I can't imagine throwing in a job on top of it!

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  3. I love your writings, you do them so well!!! Motivation or the lack there of about lots of things I think is in the air this summer as a lot of people seem to be effected by it, including myself! Weight, and you know my ups and downs, I believe almost needs to be a #1 priority to take it off and with TWO little ones running around, that's going to be hard to do. You, I know, do your best to stay healthy and you are conscious of your weight, blog is proof, and you will never let it get the total best of you and you will keep your health in check and the time will be there sooner than you think that it will be a priority #1 again. Those little ones will go to school and I can see you get back into shape/better health at that time for sure!!! Hang in there!!! Love you, Auntie

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  4. I hear ya. I am exhausted after working all day then taking care of and nursing Jack. By the time he goes to bed I do not want to do the chores that for some reason will not do themselves. I have faith you will find your motivation. When you do let me know, maybe it'll be mine too :-) for now I give myself a pass because I'm breastfeeding but that won't be forever.

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  5. It's so hard to make the commitment, and even then, so hard to stick to it, especially with young kids!

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  6. I have this grand plan in my mind about weight loss after I have baby boy but I'm quite certain none of that will happen..blah. You are super busy with two little ones and that's a lot to me!

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  7. Would doing something like an online Weight Watchers help? Or could you track your eating with an app like My Fitness Pal? It might be helpful and eye-opening to see just how many calories you are ingesting?

    Frankly, I am in a similar boat right now. I'm doing the Insanity workouts which are difficult but not eating as healthy as I should be so I'm not losing any weight.....

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    1. I've spent several years following specific meal plans and tracking calories and it definitely does work! I'm just not in that place yet, and I'm not sure how to make that work now that we have Ayden and Rylee. Not that it would be impossible. I just don't think I'm quite there yet. Typically, if I can get myself in gear exercising, I tend to crave wanting to eat better as well. I just need to kick myself in gear and start working out! At least you've been doing that! It's a start anyway :)

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  8. I am so with you. I am eating like crap! I crave sugar because of lack of sleep and I am on a roller coaster all day long. I feel awful - both physically and mentally. I KNOW that exercising would help this and I can't figure out how to fit it into my schedule. I don't have time or energy to make healthy meals during the week. I went through a period of preparing a bunch of food on sunday to eat during the week and then I just stopped. It was great, though. I need to start doing that again. I did start getting up a little earlier so I could walk my dog before the girls get up so at least I'm moving again but it isn't enough. Sigh.

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