Sunday, February 23, 2014

Breastfeeding - Or Not

I had every intention of breastfeeding my babies.  In addition to the benefits that breast milk has, I also wanted that connection with them.  Not to mention the amount of money it would save us not spending so much money on formula.

It started off so slow.  I pumped the recommended eight times per day, but was barely getting anything.  I was lucky to get a syringe full, but the nurses were very supportive and used every little drop I was able to muster out of my boobs.  They kept telling me that even the thumb nail amount I was getting was beneficial to the babies, so I kept pumping.  And pumping.  And pumping some more.  Finally I was able to get more than just a syringe full and I was so proud.

I started off just nuzzle nursing the babies.  I would hand express a few drops and rub it on their lips. Neither baby was able to really latch on at first, so we just practiced.  It didn't take long before Rylee actually did get a latch.  However, she wasn't able to nurse for very long.  Ayden never really latched on, until one of the nurses suggested a nipple shield.  Woo-Hoo!  That worked!  He was able to latch on to the nipple shield and I actually was able to feed him for a short amount each time.

Because they were preemies, they did not have the endurance to nurse for very long.  But I stuck it out and would try nursing both of them.  Once they were done on the boob, we initially would finish by gavage feeding them through their feeding tubes.  When they got strong enough to transition to a bottle, we finished their feedings by giving them a bottle.  After each of these feedings, I finished by pumping.

It was pretty grueling, both mentally and physically, because of their three hour feeding schedule.  While they were still in the NICU and I was staying at the hospital, it wasn't too bad because I would skip going to the NICU for one or two feeding times every night, letting the nurses take care of them.  Although, I was still pumping in my room.  The difference was that I could take the 20 minutes to pump, send the milk down to the NICU, and go back to sleep.

We tried several different ways to feed them, trying to find the one that would work.  I nursed one, then bottle fed.  Nursed the other baby, then finished that one off with a bottle.  Then pumped.  This whole process took about two hours, and that was with the help of the nurses.  I tried nursing just one baby at a feeding and bottle feeding the other, switching who got the boob each time.  We still had to give the nursing baby a bottle to make sure he/she was getting enough.  And of course I still had to pump.  We weighed the babies before and after nursing to see how much they were actually taking in off the boob.  It wasn't near enough.  They didn't have the endurance to breast feed and take in enough milk to gain weight.  My plan was to eventually nurse both babies at the same time, but this was impossible at this stage because neither one was capable of latching without assistance.

Once the babies were discharged and we got home, I lasted a week.  By the time I nursed one and finished with a bottle, nursed the other and finished feeding with a bottle, then pumped...it was taking close to two and a half hours every feeding!  And then I had to turn around and start the process all over again.  Tony was helping with the bottle feeding part, and occasionally I pumped and we only bottle fed in an attempt to get me more sleep, but it wasn't working.  I was slowly dying from the lack of sleep.

The lack of sleep wasn't the worst part though.  What made it all so horrible was that I still wasn't producing enough milk.  I barely was able to pump enough to feed one baby, let alone two.  Quite often, we had to supplement with formula just to get one baby the right amount.

If I was able to nurse even just one baby at a time with enough to satisfy them, I would have stuck it out.  If I could have pumped enough to feed them at a sitting, I would have continued.  I know it would have gotten better.  But I didn't have the milk supply, and without that, it just wasn't worth it.

I did meet with the lactation nurses several times while we were in the hospital.  I even had an appointment with one a week after being home.  But after that one grueling week at home, I was at my breaking point.  I knew I had made the right decision when that lactation nurse agreed with me.  There was absolutely no way I could continue with that schedule.

I tried.  I eventually gave up.

So now we go through almost a full can of formula every day.  HOLY MOLY.  I sure wish it worked out for me to breast feed them because a can of formula cost $17.99.  We go through six cans a week.  That's $107.94 every week.  That will be $431.76 per month.  But wait....these babies are going to start needing more and more as they continue to grow.  Oh. My. Garsh.  I really, really, really wish the breastfeeding would have worked out.

However, my time (sleep) has got to be worth something too.  Those were my husband's words.  Those were the words that helped me to accept that my boobs failed me, because he was so right.  We are a much happier family now.

20 comments:

  1. What kind of formula are you using? Call the formula company hotline and tell them you have twins - most companies give special discounts to parents of multiples. (it can't hurt to ask). Also, if you post the brand on here you might get some offers from other moms with either coupons or extra samples of formula. (I use Similac sensitive but get enfamil samples and checks. If you can use them I'll send them to you. You can use multiple coupons/checks at certain stores.)

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    1. We are using Similac Neosure for preemies. It is on my list of things to do, to look into the different companies that offer discounts/coupons/freebies for multiples. Good idea to post the brand here! I always find it so amazing how much support is given in this blogging community. Thank you!

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  2. Oh my I can relate to so much of this. I was so upset that bf didn't work for us just like you but making the decision to formula feed was the best choice I made! Bf is hard and bf twins is crazy hard let alone throwing in all the other factors you had going on! I keep thinking of the day when we won't had to pay for formula anymore!! Thank goodness it is only a year they need it!

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    1. Only a year. Only a year. I will have to keep repeating that to myself!

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  3. I had every problem under the sun with my oldest. The first 10 weeks were so awful. I think I cried at least once every single day. It got better, but I don't have good memories of these first two months. You did the best you could and your kids will not hate you for it later. I promise. Lol!

    Are you using a regular formula (I.e. not neocate or alimentum)? If so, Costco might be a whole lot cheaper for you. If you are using neocate or alimentum see if your insurance will cover it. I've heard they sometimes do.

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    1. Yes, I had a few (err, maybe a lot) of crying moments that first month! I don't have any regrets about my decision to stop breast feeding because I don't really feel like I had much choice. My body wasn't producing enough, and I simply couldn't function on no sleep.

      We are using Similac's Neosure. I know Costco doesn't carry it, but will definitely be looking at getting our formula there once they are able to move past the Neosure. Their doctor wants them to stay on it for now because they need the extra vitamins and minerals as preemies.

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    2. Check with your insurance company. I know mine would have covered it with a copayment and mailed it right to our house. The worse they can do is say no.

      I'm so glad you are at peace with your decision. Parenting is 100% easier when you are rested!

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  4. Another option, if you are open to it, is donor milk there's a Facebook group called human milk 4 human babies. I donated some that way. Unfortunately, the woman hardly seemed grateful so I haven't done it again.

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  5. Oh my! Something for me to look forward to I guess. You tried so hard and went longer than a lot of others so you should feel proud. The babies are better off having a rested mommy. You are doing great Amber!!

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  6. I can't really offer anything up here. I do like noting the odd hours that you post your blogs! You all must still be on your split sleep schedule. 2 months down, getting closer to a year and it will get better before that. They will start eating cereal and baby food and drink less!! Love you, Auntie

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  7. It was rough for me to make enough mild, too. Pumped 8 times a day and never got more than an ounce total a DAY. It was pathetic. After 28 days, I decided that I was losing my mind and stopped. I started my period that afternoon. Fun times.

    It is incredibly challenging to take care of two in the best of times, but with a schedule like the one you were on, I would have succumbed to fatigue and frustration long before you decided to stop! You are one tough mama!

    I did the twin club with the formula company (Enfacare). We were sent a case of 6 canisters (be prepared to send copies of birth certificates as "proof"), which helped, but that wasn't the be all end all to the problem, especially because we were on the preemie formula for the entire first year adjusted. (I do not even want to calculate how much we spent on formula that year!) I also struggled finding the formula in stores. I found that online was the answer. I bought mine straight from the company, but Amazon has neosure for just over $16 a canister and free shipping with Prime. Can't beat that--coming straight to your house is so helpful! Also, ask your pediatrician if they have samples. My ped always gave us a can or two when we went in. Sign up for the Similac mom's club thing, too, and they'll send you the coupon checks you can use. (Often they are $5.00 a canister, which helps, too!) Honestly, I don't know if BRU's twins discount applies to formula, but you can ask about that. I think it is 15% off. Definitely use the discount for anything major you need. Anything helps!

    You're doing an amazing job!

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    1. It was rough for me to make enough MILK, too. Dumb phone!

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  8. This sounds so very similar to my experience. I had all the same issues. I did switch to bottle feeding, but I am still pumping. I still don't produce enough milk so we have to supplement with formula. I probably could increase my supply, but I decided sleep was more important than pumping in the middle of the night. This has been working out only because my husband has been home to help me. If I was alone with the girls all day there is no way I could do this. I hate pumping. I'm happy to be able to give them breast milk, but I hate the time pumping takes away from other things (including the babies), but formula for 2 is expensive! Gah. So I take it day by day and set short term goals. At this point I will be happy if I make it 6 months and then transition to full formula once they start eating solids.
    That is great your lactation nurse was so supportive. That makes it so much easier. The last one I saw was not. She wanted my babies off the supplemental formula and even wanted them off of bottles (even if those bottle were full of breastmilk). I think I still have some guilt for giving up because of that woman. She did not really care to understand the situation and was just militant about breast milk.
    Anyway, definitely check to see if you can get multiples discounts from whatever formula you choose. I am getting a 20% discount from Nature's One Baby's Only when I order directly from them. Most want birth certificates so you may have to wait until you have those.

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  9. While I don't have any experience here it sounds like you did everything you could and after that you just have to do what's best for all of ya'll :) Hope something out of what everyone mentioned above helps with the cost for you.

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  10. You did your best and that's all anyone can ask! I don't know if you really do buy the small cans, but I found that the value of the larger sizes helped a bit with the cost. Also check out prices at the big box stores, sometimes they are significantly less.

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  11. Holy moly is right! You could feed those kids hot wings and beer every meal for that price! It sounds like you made the right choice for you and your family. Your husband is right - your time and sleep are worth something too. Hang in there.

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  12. God bless you! You did an amazing job and your determination is so awesome! Sleep is absolutely critical, and you've made a great decision both for yourself and your sweet babies. Kudos to you mama!

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  13. I'm sorry it didn't work out as you wished! And you are so strong for hanging in there for so long - but your sleep is definitely worth something.
    Are there any support programs for parents of twins? I heard about this way back, but never got to the point of seriously looking into it... other twin moms may have some good pointers, see above. Hang in there!

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  14. Over $100/week? YIKES. I'm sorry that breastfeeding didn't work out for you but the schedule that you describe is simply not sustainable. Sleep and being happy is much better than the alternative. You are doing great!!

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  15. I haven't read the other comments, so maybe someone has already suggested this, but have you looked into donated milk? When I was nursing Harriet, I made a bunch of extra milk, so I gave everything I pumped to another family. I think it ended up being like three full coolers or something...not a permanent solution but definitely a money-saver. Wow, I can't believe how expensive it is!

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