14 Weeks

Actually, I am 14 weeks, 2 days today.  Woo-Hoo!  Today I go back for another MFM appointment so they can try to get that nuchal fold measurement on Baby A since she/he was being so difficult and wouldn't get in a good position for it last week.  I'm so excited to see my babies again!  I still worry every single day about whether they are still doing okay or not and it is so nice to get the reassurance of an u/s.

Now, let me tell you about Saturday, when we hit the 14 week mark.  Saturday was the big day of telling our families.  We are officially no longer carrying any secrets and word is out not only amongst each of our families and our softball team, but also it's spreading like wildfire around our small town.

First I met with my family for breakfast.  Hubby ended up having to go to work, so it was only me.  I started off by confirming to the family that we are officially done coaching softball for about 7-8 years.  Because.....I'm pregnant.  Lot's of excitement and a few tears of joy.  Then I announced that we are having twins.  Holy babies!

My family is going to be full of new little babies this next year!  My sister is due in September.  My cousin is due in October, and I am due with TWINS in January!  There is also another baby due in January from my aunt and uncle's niece on the other side.  There is going to be so many babies to snuggle and love on!

Then that afternoon, my in-laws hosted a BBQ at their new place.  They bought some property out of town a few months back, and it was a good excuse to get everyone together because not everyone had been out to see their new place.  The highlight of the night (before our announcement) was a trip out to see the pigs.

At first glance, it might look like they are sitting on a log.  It's actually a very large pig named Amelia!

Once everyone dished up their food and settled in, Hubby and I made our grand announcement.  Of course they were all excited.  Their were lots of hugs and congratulations.  We spent the rest of the evening talking about babies.  An aunt asked to see u/s pics, so my MIL got out the pictures we had given her a few weeks prior.  This aunt swears up and down that Baby A is a boy and Baby B is a girl.  She is absolutely convinced she is right, based on their position, size, and heartbeats.  We will find out soon...

I told Hubby that I needed him to take a picture of me.  He of course made a joke, asking "can it be a naked picture?"  Which I got irritated at because that's what I do.  Then I explained that I wanted him to take a belly picture for me.  Being a guy, he had to ask what we needed a belly picture for and what are we going to do with it.  Sigh.  I explained to him that I wanted to document the pregnancy over the next couple months and, oh, I don't know, scrapbook them?  I shake my head now thinking back on that conversation.  He did humor me though, and we got a picture.

My belly really popped out just this past week!

14 Weeks

Now that our families have been told, the secret is out and there is no holding back!  I am hoping nobody will post anything on Facebook until we have a chance to do a FB announcement ourselves.  I'd like to hold off on it just a bit longer.  Planning to do it in another few weeks or so.  One of Hubby's aunts is going to take some pictures for us.

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I just got home from my MFM appointment.  Both babies look great and show very low risk of Down Syndrome!  Their heartbeats are great and they are still wiggling about.  All is good.  At least so far.  Our next appointment will be around 16 weeks for an initial anatomy scan, and then again at 20 weeks.  I feel so extremely fortunate for all the u/s we are getting.  Right now, I am feeling blessed.

Morning Sickness

It has to be noted - I'm posting two days in a row!  Miracle of miracles.

So about this morning sickness thing.  I actually consider myself to be quite lucky, but I'm afraid my luck might be coming to an end.  In 13 weeks, 5 days, I've only actually gotten sick, as in actually puked, 3 days in all that time.  I've had other days where I just didn't feel very good, but nothing too severe. 

It's funny how an infertile person (me) puts so much stock into pregnancy symptoms.  After everything we've been through, we just need that reassurance that something is going on.  Whether it's sore boobs, nausea, food aversions/cravings... It doesn't matter, those symptoms just help provide peace of mind and it's something that we LIVE for.

Even though it's nice to have those signs of life still growing inside of you, I have to also say I've been pretty fortunate.  Only 3 days of actual vomiting?  I know that makes me lucky.  I also didn't have sore boobs for the longest time.  In fact, my boobs themselves don't really hurt, but oh boy do my nipples.  Yikes.  My nipples have been quite sensitive and achy for the past few weeks.  I can live with that.

I do have to pee several times throughout the night.  At least twice, but usually 3 times and sometimes up to 4 times.  That makes me very nervous for down the road when I'm sure that number will increase.

Eating breakfast is a challenge.  I simply do not want to (or can't) eat very much in the mornings.  I try to force myself though, because if I don't eat much, that is when I feel the most nauseous, which again, hasn't been too bad for the most part.  I consider myself lucky.

Did mention how that luck might be changing?

The first time I got sick was a Sunday afternoon, way back on July 7th.  It was the only softball free weekend we have had the entire summer till now.  I was very thankful I was home that day.  I made french toast for breakfast.  It didn't taste very good to me that day and within minutes of taking my last bite, it all came back up.  I thought, Cool! and I bragged to Hubby that I just got sick for the first time.  He proceeded to celebrate too.  I didn't feel nauseous or anything that morning.  I simply just couldn't keep my breakfast down.  I knew I needed to eat something and feed these babies, so a little later, I ate two peaches.  As soon as I took my last bite, those immediately came up too.  Hhmmm...  Well, that kind of sucked, but again I didn't FEEL bad.  I was a little hesitant to eat anything again the rest of the day for fear of puking again, but I managed to make it through the day and didn't have a repeat incident again until last week.  Sorry if any of this makes you lose your appetite for french toast or peaches.

Last week we were in California with our softball team for Nationals.  We were eliminated from the tournament early and had a free day on Friday before we were scheduled to return home.  Instead of ending the week on the disappointment of losing, we celebrated our success of the summer by taking the team to California's Great America, a theme park.  We had just arrived at the park and the girls, along with several parents, were in line for their first roller coaster ride of the day.  I was sitting in the shade with two other parents, when suddenly I didn't feel very good.  And then I thought, wait, I think I might throw up.  So I asked where the bathroom was and started that way.  It wasn't very close.  I did my best to get out of the crowd of people.  I made it around a corner and lost my cookies.  Right there on the concrete.  Then I turned and found a bush to finish in.  There were people on the other side of the bush, but I don't think they paid much attention to me.  Phew!  After that, I made my way to the bathroom, washed my face, rinsed out my mouth, and I was good for the rest of the day!  I wasn't nauseous and felt great after that.  I was actually thankful for the reassurance that, okay, there's still something going on in there!  My babies must still be there.  And yay!  They are!

Then today....  Ugh. 

By far the worst day so far.  I had my first client at 6:00 this morning and then another at 7:00.  As soon as I finished with my second client, I really didn't feel well.  I went into the bathroom, feeling like I was going to be sick.  I hung out in there with my head against the wall, wanting to just get it over with.  It took a few minutes, and I wasn't sure it was actually going to come.  I was afraid to walk back to my office and lose everything on the floor in front of members on my way.  I waited it out because I was feeling so poorly.  I wanted to curl up on the bathroom floor, but...ewwww.

It was the most violent I have been sick in a long time.  My nose was running, my eyes were watering.  I just wanted to lay my head on the toilet seat, but again, gross.  Not on a public toilet!  I cleaned myself up and noticed that I had red spots under my eyes.  Apparently, I broke a few blood vessels under my eyes during this fiasco.  I looked a mess. 

Fortunately, I had a break in clients for the next hour.  I went next door to Jamba Juice and got some oatmeal.  I knew I needed to eat something since I just lost all my breakfast.  I was able to keep it down, but I felt really crappy the rest of the morning through my next couple clients.  I had another appointment scheduled at Noon with a new guy.  I still felt like I might be sick again so I decided to call him and reschedule.  I didn't think it would be a good idea to maybe ralph all over a new client during our very first session.  I left work, came home and took a nap. 

I feel a little better now, but am wondering if I am entering a new stage of pregnancy.  Maybe I skipped the first trimester morning sickness and I am going to be lucky enough to have it in the second.  I don't mind feeling a little nauseous, but it's totally another thing when you are afraid you are going to throw up at any second.  I actually don't even mind that part, as long as it's like the first two times when it went away completely right afterwards.  But how does a person make it through work feeling like that all day long?  I know where all the bathrooms are at work, and I've scouted out the garbage cans just in case, but God forbid I lose it in the weight room or on the cardio floor one of these days.  I would be mortified!

When all is said and done, I am so extremely grateful for having to worry about this.  I feel very fortunate and lucky that I have escaped morning sickness to date, for the most part, but am nervous for what may be in store.  Today was pretty miserable.

So Much to Say

First, I am sad to admit I have turned into a bad blogger.  I basically have something I want to write about almost every single day, but when I get home, I want nothing more than to lay down and take a nap.  Some days I think, I'll just sit on the couch and relax for a few minutes before I sit down in front of the computer.  But then, I simply can NOT keep my eyes open and another day goes by.

Ever since softball season started, I got behind on my blog reading as well as my blog writing.  I've been about 2 weeks behind everyone else for MONTHS.  I finally got caught up and was only a week behind.  But then...our softball team went to California last week for Nationals and suddenly I am 3 weeks behind!  I am madly trying to catch back up so I can be on the same page as everyone else.

When I logged on to write this post, I discovered I've lost a follower.  That makes me a little sad actually.  It's hard not to think if only I'd write more, maybe I'd be more interesting.  But then the thought also crosses my mind, that maybe it's someone struggling in the throws of treatment and it is simply too hard to read about a pregnancy.  I know that can be difficult for some.

 

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Okay, on to better things!  Yesterday was my first appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  It was a three part appointment.  First we met with a genetic counselor to go over our family medical history to discuss potential genetic/chromosomal abnormalities.  She talked to us about different tests we can do.  Hubby and I both agree that we do not want to do anything invasive that could potentially harm the babies.

 

Then we had an ultrasound to measure the nuchal translucency.  This test is done to determine a potential risk for Down Syndrome and a few other possible chromosomal abnormalities.  Baby B cooperated and allowed the tech to get a good measurement.  Baby A on the other hand was very ornery and would not allow a measurement, regardless of which position I laid in.  We also tried a vaginal u/s, which also didn't work.  So I have to go back next week so they can try again.  Darn!  That just makes me so sad that I HAVE to go back and see my babies again.  I hope you are catching my sarcasm, because I'm actually ecstatic that I get to get another u/s so soon!

 

Both babies were moving and having a little dance party in there.  Both have two arms and two legs.  Both have stomachs, bladders, and nice solid heartbeats.  We didn't actually get to hear the heartbeats, which I was a little bummed about, but we did get to see them on the screen so that was okay.

 

After the u/s, we med with the Perinatologist.  She said that Baby B's nuchal measurement looked good and is not suspect of any problems.  She also said that Baby A's looked good visually, but they just couldn't get the exact number measurement.  She said we should have nothing to worry about with either baby.

 

I went into the appointment with a list of questions that she happily took the time to answer.  I must say though, that I am more confused on a few of them than before I went in.  I've been concerned about my nutrition.  I really don't think I eat too bad, but I also really don't think I'm getting what I need.  I absolutely know I don't get enough protein.  So I asked if she had a nutrition checklist that I could work from. 

 

She recommended the book When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads by Barbara Luke.  I told her that I actually have that book, but I've only been able to skim through it so far.  I had skimmed through the nutrition section previously, and one of the things it recommends is drinking a protein drink every day.  After reading that, I had purchased some Ensure protein shakes.  It concerned me how much sugar is in each one of those drinks, 22g for just a little bottle!!!  The doctor agreed with me that the sugar content was very high and I should probably stay away from those drinks since I am considered at risk for Gestational Diabetes.  Okay.....but that book highly recommends those drinks and you are telling me to follow the book.  Confusion.

 

We also talked about weight gain.  This doctor told me that I should expect to gain about 20-25 lbs for this pregnancy.  What?  Hold on!  Uhhhhh......  for twins????  Again, confusion.  This book (that she was recommending) recommends a weight gain between 38-47 lbs.  Unless I'm obese, in which case the book recommends a gain between about 25-36 lbs.  This makes absolutely NO SENSE to me.  I am not obese.  Yes, I did start out a little overweight, but I am NOT obese by any stretch of the imagination.  Isn't a weight gain of 20-25 lbs normal for a singleton pregnancy?  More confusion.  I'm not sure what to think about this.  Especially since she was highly recommending this book, which was written by a nutritionist.

 

 

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As of this coming Saturday, I will be 14 weeks.  We've made plans to tell all of our extended family on that day.  We are meeting my family for breakfast.  I don't know if my Grandma will make it to the breakfast as she doesn't get out much.  If she doesn't come, Hubby and I will make a special trip out to see her. 

 

Saturday night, my in-laws are hosting a BBQ at their house for all the Aunts, Uncles, and extended family.  They just moved to their new place a few months back, so the BBQ is under the pretense of having everyone out to see their new property.  They were planning to do something like that anyway so it works out perfectly for us to make our announcement to everyone.

 

I'm still a little uneasy about our pregnancy being advertised to the world, but it's becoming more and more noticeable.  Kinda hard to hide TWO babies growing in there!  It's also really difficult to get EVERYONE together at the same time, and we'd really like to tell people in person.  So here goes...

 

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Softball is officially over.  For the third straight year, our travel team qualified for the ASA/USA National Tournament, something we are incredibly proud of.  As of last week, Hubby and I are retired from coaching for about 7-8 years.  We figure we'll probably get involved in it again around then, with our own kids.

 

I'm going to wait another 3 weeks or so until I resign my coaching position from the high school.  I'll wait till school gets back in session.  That's going to be hard.

 

It's going to be difficult to walk away from these girls and their families.  I'm sure we'll still be out watching a lot of softball games.  These girls have been OUR kids on the field for a long, long time.  We will miss them, but we are looking forward to this next adventure in life.

Word is Getting Out

Hubby and I spent 4th of July weekend with his brother and his family, who live about 2.5 hours away from us.  That was our only weekend off from softball that we have had all summer and we took advantage of it by spending time with all of our nieces and nephews.

It was a bit of an awkward weekend for me.  The kids always LOVE to climb up their Auntie Amber and then flip over when they get to the top.  Well, for reasons unbeknownst to them, I had to say no to this favorite activity of theirs.  I told them they were getting too big and it's hard for me to do it now.  I also turned down jumping on the trampoline.  It was difficult to explain to a 3 and a 5 year old why I wouldn't participate in these fun things with them, but we managed to make it through the weekend without having to spill the beans about our pregnancy.

Last week, at 10w, 2d we decided it was time to tell Hubby's parents.  I printed off pictures from our weekend trip (pics of their grandkids), and pictures from our last ultrasound.  We went out to see them after work.  After visiting for a bit, I handed my MIL a stack of pictures and said "here's some pictures from our trip and of your grandkids."  Innocent enough.  She is always giving me pictures, so I was returning the favor.

MIL flipped through the pics, and we talked about the trip as she did.  It seemed like it took forever for her to get the the u/s pics, but when she did, she paused.  Then she asked "what is this?"

I responded, "those are your other grandkids."
MIL:  "What?!!?!"
Me: "Those are your other grandkids."
Hubby:  "We're pregnant and we are having twins."

She jumped up out of her chair.  She literally jumped up and down, holding the pictures to her chest and screamed, "we're having a baby?"

Me, holding up two fingers:  "Two."
MIL:  "We're having a baby?"
Me:  "Two."
MIL:  "We're having a baby?"  (still jumping up and down)
Hubby and Me, laughing:  "We are having TWO babies."

More laughing, more jumping, and a few tears.

FIL:  "How did this happen?"

LOL!  So we explained how we had two frozen embryos left from when my sister donated her eggs to us, but we had chosen to keep that news to ourselves because of our previous loss.  It's just easier going through the process without everyone knowing and asking questions along the way.  We also explained that we didn't want to broadcast the news yet, just wanted to tell a few people for now, until we make it to the second trimester.

That night, we also went over to tell Hubby's Grandpa.  His Grandpa is probably the most religious, kindest, gentlest man I know.  He's been praying for us for a long time.  He didn't believe us at first, asking "is this for real?"  We explained that it was, but he still had to ask if we were joking.  After reassuring him multiple times that we wouldn't joke about something like this, he finally believed us.  Before we left, he said a prayer for us.  I love that man and am so glad that we had the opportunity to share that moment.  I'm sad that I won't be able to do the same with my own Grandpa, as he passed away last summer.

We called Hubby's brother that night to share the news.  His brother said that our weekend with them made a lot more sense now, haha!  They were confused as to why I was not playing with the girls like I usually do! 

We also called one of Hubby's Aunts.  We wanted to be able to share the news with her ourselves, and we knew that his mom wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret from her.  Like his Grandpa, she didn't believe us at first.  We had to convince her it was for real, and then she just sobbed.  She cried and cried and cried.  It was a pretty special night.

This last weekend, we went over to my Mom's and told her.  I did the same thing, printing pictures of my niece and nephews (her grandkids), and included pictures from the u/s.  I handed her the pictures and said, "here's some pictures of your grandkids."  She flipped through them, admiring how cute the kids are, and then when she got to the u/s pics she said, "what's this?"

Me:  "Those are your other grandkids."
Mom:  "But there's two."
Me:  "Yep."
Mom:  "Well.  Who's are they?"
Me, laughing:  "Mine."
Mom:  "Really?!!?  Oh, I just love you!!"

Hubby and I are convinced she thought they were pics from my sister's u/s, as she is pregnant and due in September, with just one baby.  That is why she was confused about why there were two in the picture.

This past weekend, we also had to tell our softball team and parents.  I really wasn't comfortable doing this yet, but a few of them had figured it out.  One dad came up to me, gave me a big old hug and asked how I was doing.  He's never given me a hug before!  Then the next day, a mom came up to me with a BIG grin on her face, gave me a hug and asked how I was doing.  It was very awkward since they didn't come right out and tell me they knew, but I KNEW that they knew because of different conversations.  Soooooooo, we decided that we better just announce our big news before more people started talking.  It was actually a very cool moment with lots of congratulations and excitement. 

And then we absolutely swore them to secrecy.  They cannot tell ANYONE!  I said they can't tell so and so, because then that person might tell their mom and then her mom might say something on Facebook.  One of the player's dads sometimes works with Hubby's uncle, who sometimes works with my uncle.  They can't tell ANYONE!

We leave this Saturday for Nationals.  Our softball team qualified for the ASA/USA National Tournament in Sunnyvale, CA.  We have plans to tell the rest of our families when we get back from California.

I have my first appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) on the Tuesday after we get back, August 6th.  I will officially be in the second trimester then.  I know for sure they will be doing a lengthy u/s during that appointment.  If all goes well, I will feel much more comfortable telling the world at that point.  I still don't want it plastered on Facebook, but it will be time to at least tell the rest of our family.  I also don't think I will be able to keep it a secret for very long now anyway.  My belly is going to start giving it away!

Boy/Girl Names

First, some randomness...

I got my first appointment scheduled with Maternal Fetal Medicine for Tuesday, August 6th.  Three weeks away :/  It will be a 2 1/2 hour appointment, meeting with a genetic counselor first.  I'm pretty sure that will be to go over all the medical history background stuff.  Again.  Seems you have to do that with every doctor you see!  Then I will be getting an u/s, followed by a visit with a Perinatologist.

Between now and then, I have softball to distract me.  Our tournament team FINALLY qualified for the ASA/USA National Tournament this last weekend.  We will be traveling to Sunnyvale, CA for a week long tournament.  Only a few more weeks of softball and then I will be retiring for a very long time.

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Now, to my story.

A few weeks ago, Hubby and I were talking about the twins.  He mentioned something about how we are going to need to paint the back bedroom pink and blue.

Me: "Oh, so we are going to have a boy and a girl.  One of each?"
Him: "Yes.  And we will be naming them Zach and Kelly."
Me:  "Ummm, no."

A few minutes later...

Me:  "What if we have two girls?"
Him:  "Then we will name them Jesse and Kelly."

Anybody know what these names are from?  If you guessed Saved by the Bell, you are correct!  Hubby and his roommates spent a lot of time watching that t.v. show in college.  Yes, you read that right.  In college.  (shaking my head)

Just before going to bed, I continued the conversation...

Me:  "If we have a boy and a girl, I think we should name them Cory and Topanga."
Him:  "That would be okay too."

You all know who Cory and Topanga are, right?  From Boy Meets World?

Okay, we won't actually be naming our children after these t.v. show characters, but Hubby likes to get my goat by pretending that he is dead serious about these things. 

100th Post and Long Awaited Update

I always thought I'd do something special for my 100th post, but now that it's here I just need to give you all an update on where we are at with this twinsies pregnancy!  But first, I have to say thank you to all my readers and tell you how much I appreciate you!  The friendships I have developed and the support that I have found in this blogging world have really been amazing.  You mean more to me than words can say.  That sounds lame, but it's true.  Thank you.

Some stats for this 100th post:

33,762 pageviews
51 followers
= AMAZING!

I didn't know if I would ever get one follower, let alone 51.  That kind of blows my mind.

Enough of that though.  Let me get to what you really want to read about, my very first OB appointment which was LAST WEDNESDAY!  Wow, could I make you wait any longer?  I'm sorry.  Just so, so busy!

So, last Wednesday, my appointment wasn't until 4:00 in the afternoon.  Painful.  It was extremely painful waiting all day.  When I pulled into the parking lot, I had to sit in my car a few minutes to gather myself.  My nerves were sky rocketed and I was trying very hard not to cry.  I was so afraid I wouldn't get an ultrasound at this appointment.  I NEEDED desperately to know the babies were okay.

You see, with my last pregnancy, I had an ultrasound at 9 weeks, 5 days.  It was supposed to be a just for fun appointment.  A last hoo-rah with my RE.  That was the day we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat.

Last Wednesday, I was 9 weeks, 4 days.  I did not want history to repeat itself. 

I worked up the nerve to walk in the building and check in.  When I got called back, the nurse explained to me that the OB would be doing a full pap smear, yada, yada, yada, and she would check for heartbeats.  No ultrasound.  I had been afraid that would be the case.

When she took my blood pressure, I warned her it was going to be high because I was very apprehensive about the appointment.  I was right.  It was high, although I can't remember what it was at this point.

The OB came in, introduced herself to me and apologized that they were running a little late and she would be right back.  She seemed nice and she smelled good.  (just something I noticed, lol)

When she came back in, the first thing she wanted to do was put my mind at ease so she listened for the heartbeats.  And then she listened some more.  To nothing.  She couldn't find them.  She said that they usually can't be detected by the doppler until about 10 weeks, so let's just do an ultrasound.

Hallelujah!!!!!

She came back in and said the portable ultrasound machine was backed up with a line of three more patients, but the ultrasound tech was still here and available.  Woo-Hoo!  Even better.  So I was walked down the hall, absolutely naked except for my hospital gown.  Who cares about that after so many people have been up in your business for the past few years?  Besides, I was getting my wish and was going to get to see my babies.

This was a high tech machine too!  I got the full meal deal, no portable machine for me.  And it was such great news.

Baby A measured at 9 weeks, 4 days.  Right on target.  This baby has actually gained a few days, because it was a few days behind last time.  Heart rate was 185.  Perfect!

Baby B measured at 10 weeks even (over achiever!)  Heart rate was 183.  Perfect!  Baby B was even waving her/his hand at me as if to say "I'm here Momma and I'm doing great!"

Such immense relief.  The best part about this was that I was given a CD of all the pictures she took.  I can print them off, email them, copy the disk, whatever I want to share with family.  Yay!!!  How cool is that?!?!!  I will share the pictures at the bottom if you would like to see them.

Okay, now for how I'm feeling almost a week later.  I felt such overwhelming relief after that appointment.  It lasted for about a day.  Now a week later, I am back to worrying.  How can I not?  It's painful waiting between these appointments and not knowing what is going on.  Especially when I know full well that terrible things happen.  I've experienced my own loss, and I've been heartbroken for many of you.  I try to stay positive, but it is just so dang difficult without having any major symptoms.  So I have to get up and pee several times a night.  Big deal.  I've always had to do that.  So I get tired and enjoy a nap in the middle of the day if I can.  Well, with my schedule, that's not all that surprising.

My next OB appointment is August 12th.  I am supposed to meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) sometime before then, but I haven't been able to get that scheduled yet.  Hopefully, I will hear from someone soon for that.  I will be making phone calls tomorrow.

Now for the u/s pics:

You can clearly see Baby B, but only the top of Baby A's head

Irrational Fears

Or are they rational fears?  I would just like to know on a daily minute by minute basis that my babies are okay.  I cannot stand this unknown that takes place between ultrasound appointments.  My next appointment is not until the 10th, which is next Wednesday.  I know that is not that far away, but it feels like an eternity.  I don't even know if I will be getting an ultrasound that day.  We will be meeting our new OB for the first time.

I think it would be different if I knew my belly was growing, indicating the babies are growing.  I think it would be different if I felt symptoms.  As much as I don't relish the thought of puking, at least that would give me the reassurance that something was going on inside of me.  Last week, I did feel a lot of nausea, especially in the mornings.  However, that changed over the weekend.  Today, nada.  Nothing at all to say "hey!  You're pregnant!"  I'm not dying of hunger.  I'm not nauseous.  My boobs don't hurt.

I started spotting again yesterday and still am this morning.  I know that's normal, and it doesn't really freak me out too much since it's not fresh blood, but I still don't want to see it.  Hubby and I would like to eventually have sex again.  It has been MONTHS!  First, we didn't before the FET because I had blue stuff coming out of my hoo-ha due to the Estrace.  Then you can't during your two week wait.  Then we were just too nervous so waited until the first ultrasound.  But before the first u/s, I started spotting.  And it is highly recommended that you not have sex while spotting.  The spotting has been hit and miss over the last few weeks, but more so again starting yesterday.  Ugh!

Can these next 30 weeks just zip right by already?  Actually, I'd like to experience this whole pregnancy thing, but it would be a lot easier if there was some way to just KNOW that everything is going okay.