Where is Aunt Flo?

Can I just say what a mind fuck it is for my period to be NINE days late?

Please excuse my language, but it's the only thing that I can think of to accurately describe what it's like for an infertile to have her period be 9 days late. I'm pretty sure I was about a week late last month too, but I don't really know because I wasn't really keeping track. I've always been pretty consistent though.

Years ago, when we were trying to get pregnant, I used a period tracking app on my phone. I'd been debating downloading it again, just so I could be more aware of my body and stop guessing as to when Aunt Flo would be visiting. After last month, I bit the bullet and did it.

And now I'm 9 days late.

And I can't help but wonder, what if.........?

I'm just a few months shy of turning 43. I have such sucky egg production that even with the maximum dosage of stims, IVF didn't work for me. Tony has really terrible sperm, in both quantity and quality. We were blessed with our two babies because we used donor eggs and they were able to spin Tony's sperm to pick out the best ones. This was after 12+ years of trying on our own. Pregnancy is virtually impossible for us.

And yet I can't help but have it cross my mind when I am 9 days late.

I have no doubt that this is really just the beginning of perimenopause. My mind knows that, but my heart is another matter altogether.

Right now, I'm just really tired of waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting..... for Aunt Flo to show up. Actually, truth be told, I wouldn't mind if she doesn't rear her ugly head ever again. But the unknown is killing me!