Monday, April 6, 2015

Microblog Monday: Crazy Thoughts




While I was in the shower today, I started thinking about how we could have ended up with three kids if I hadn't miscarried.  My first donor egg transfer, we transferred two embryos and one of them took.  Unfortunately, it was a very sick baby with Trisomy 18 and didn't make it past 9 weeks.  But, if that didn't happen and we went on to actually have that baby, we still would have had our two frozen embryos that resulted in Ayden and Rylee.

Then I went on to think about how with every transfer we did (which was only three, but still), I got pregnant.  The first time I miscarried it was a chemical pregnancy with my own eggs.  However short lived that was, that embryo still implanted briefly.  Three transfers and each time, I had a bfp.

I can't help but think that if I didn't have crappy eggs and Tony didn't have crappy sperm, I might actually have been quite fertile.

Welcome to my crazy thoughts.


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12 comments:

  1. I've had similar thoughts, only I've contmeplated the number of embryos I've transferred and how many kids that could have (should have?) been. Sigh.

    Many hugs.

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    1. When we did the very first transfer with my own eggs, we transferred 3 embryos, transferred 2 with the first egg donor transfer, then 2 again. Each time, our hopes and prayers were to at least get pregnant with one! We knew the odds weren't in our favor the first time because of our crappy eggs/sperm :/ It would have been crazy insane if they all took!

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    2. And hugs right back at ya, Friend!

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  2. So many things have to fall in place in order get and stay pregnant. I'm sure you are very fertile in some ways!

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  3. Crazy thoughts but oh so real. Just look where it all got you with those 2 precious babies!! I think showers bring on crazy thoughts as that is where mine are the worst! Love you!

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  4. I can relate. Now that we have a tentative diagnosis, it's hard not to think about the ones we lost. Those that could have been. But I'm also in a position that if those pregnancies took, we wouldn't have the Beats. Still, it's bittersweet to think about.

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  5. I think about that all the time. The ones who aren't here but could have been.

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  6. Yes, if I didn't have crappy tubes, and had started trying a bit earlier, things might have been very different. I don't think it's bad to think about the bits of our bodies that work, when too often we focus on the bits that don't, and end up feeling bad about that.

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  7. I was just talking to Al about this topic a few days ago. I told him if we wouldn't have lost our other pregnancies that we wouldn't have Lilah and Olivia.

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  8. Quite fertile with quite a large family!! :). I often have the same thoughts.... Crazy how things work out.... XO

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  9. I have the same thoughts that you do and I love that others have the same thoughts. You have a beautiful little family and I am so happy they are here to bless you each and every day! Hugs!!

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  10. Yep, crazy thoughts, huh? If I didn't have my stupid pooey MTHFR, I wondered the same thing. Would my embryos have made it instead of resulting in chemicals?

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