While I was in the shower today, I started thinking about how we could have ended up with three kids if I hadn't miscarried. My first donor egg transfer, we transferred two embryos and one of them took. Unfortunately, it was a very sick baby with Trisomy 18 and didn't make it past 9 weeks. But, if that didn't happen and we went on to actually have that baby, we still would have had our two frozen embryos that resulted in Ayden and Rylee.
Then I went on to think about how with every transfer we did (which was only three, but still), I got pregnant. The first time I miscarried it was a chemical pregnancy with my own eggs. However short lived that was, that embryo still implanted briefly. Three transfers and each time, I had a bfp.
I can't help but think that if I didn't have crappy eggs and Tony didn't have crappy sperm, I might actually have been quite fertile.
Welcome to my crazy thoughts.
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I've had similar thoughts, only I've contmeplated the number of embryos I've transferred and how many kids that could have (should have?) been. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs.
When we did the very first transfer with my own eggs, we transferred 3 embryos, transferred 2 with the first egg donor transfer, then 2 again. Each time, our hopes and prayers were to at least get pregnant with one! We knew the odds weren't in our favor the first time because of our crappy eggs/sperm :/ It would have been crazy insane if they all took!
DeleteAnd hugs right back at ya, Friend!
DeleteSo many things have to fall in place in order get and stay pregnant. I'm sure you are very fertile in some ways!
ReplyDeleteCrazy thoughts but oh so real. Just look where it all got you with those 2 precious babies!! I think showers bring on crazy thoughts as that is where mine are the worst! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI can relate. Now that we have a tentative diagnosis, it's hard not to think about the ones we lost. Those that could have been. But I'm also in a position that if those pregnancies took, we wouldn't have the Beats. Still, it's bittersweet to think about.
ReplyDeleteI think about that all the time. The ones who aren't here but could have been.
ReplyDeleteYes, if I didn't have crappy tubes, and had started trying a bit earlier, things might have been very different. I don't think it's bad to think about the bits of our bodies that work, when too often we focus on the bits that don't, and end up feeling bad about that.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to Al about this topic a few days ago. I told him if we wouldn't have lost our other pregnancies that we wouldn't have Lilah and Olivia.
ReplyDeleteQuite fertile with quite a large family!! :). I often have the same thoughts.... Crazy how things work out.... XO
ReplyDeleteI have the same thoughts that you do and I love that others have the same thoughts. You have a beautiful little family and I am so happy they are here to bless you each and every day! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteYep, crazy thoughts, huh? If I didn't have my stupid pooey MTHFR, I wondered the same thing. Would my embryos have made it instead of resulting in chemicals?
ReplyDelete