I Found Some

So I finally found an itsy bitsy tiny amount of motivation!  I told the Hubby the other night that I needed two nights during the week to be able to go for a walk/run.  He 100% supports the idea and told me he would take care of bedtime.  What he doesn't understand is that I don't want to give up putting the kids to bed in order for me to exercise.  I either need to go as soon as he gets home so that I can be back for bedtime, or I go after they are in bed.  It's not really an option for me to miss out on saying goodnight twice a week, at least in my mind!

He also said that we do have these things called jogging strollers....  Ummm, yes we do.  And I DO take the kids for walks several times a week.  However, if I just go for a long walk, they tend to fall asleep and then that messes with nap time!  Besides, it would just be nice for me to get out by myself every once in awhile.

Well anyway, he came up with the plan for me to go on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Yesterday was my first walk by myself.  I left after I cleaned up Ayden and Rylee from dinner.  Can I tell you what a breath of fresh air it was to go for a nice brisk walk BY MYSELF???  I literally took several deep breaths and just relished having a half hour of ME time!  It was so relaxing to not have to worry about Ayden and Rylee.  To not have to try to keep up a conversation with two toddlers that can't yet talk.  To not have to stop when one of them gets upset about something.

Please don't get me wrong. I love that I can take them for walks and they actually don't mind being in the stroller.  I love talking with them and hearing them talk to each other.  I love that I have the opportunity to stay home with them, but as a stay at home mom living in a town that I have no family and only one friend in, and as someone that really enjoys and needs my own personal time, it was the best, most relaxing 30 minutes I've had in a long time!

Tony got the kids in their pj's and brushed their teeth while I was gone.  Then when I got back we read books and went through our bedtime routine together.  It was perfect.

We'll see how long this lasts.  Hopefully we can get into a good routine and I can continue.

So. Not. Motivated.

I am ridiculously unmotivated.  I haven't been motivated to blog.  I'm not motivated to exercise.  I'm not motivated to eat right.  I'm not motivated to go outside and pull weeds.  To clean out my car.  To go through all the clothes Ayden and Rylee have grown out of.  To clean our garage and finish unpacking.  Shall I go on?  I'm sure I can come up with more things. These are all things I WANT to do.  I just can't seem to find the motivation to actually do them!

I came across this picture yesterday:

That was me at 14 weeks pregnant with Ayden and Rylee.  I have to say, I was impressed by how small I looked, other than being pregnant.  I thought "wow! I actually looked kind of cute!"  Where'd that cute little me go?   My arms and my face most definitely don't look that small right now.  I think that bump might match the bump I currently have.  I'm not going to take a picture to document it though.  Yesterday I happened to look down and I did a double take because I actually looked like I had a baby bump.  Whoa.  That's not okay!  But what did I do about it?  I made Banana Chocolate Zucchini Bread last night.  It's not healthy. Especially when you've already eaten a whole loaf pan of it already.  Okay, well, I did share some with Ayden and Rylee.  But still.  What in the world is it going to take to get my butt in shape and start eating healthier?

I used to be a personal trainer.  I KNOW how to exercise.  I KNOW how to eat right.  I'm just so incredibly unmotivated to do it right now.  I go for walks regularly with Ayden and Rylee. We play outside frequently.  We've done a month of swim lessons with them.  We are active. It's just not exercise that is going to make a difference to my fat body.  Eating is a whole different subject.  I like to eat.  I like to eat ice cream.  A lot.  That's how I tend to decompress during nap time.  I need to change that habit.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't expect to have a perfect after-birthing-twins body.  But I am fully aware of the fact that I also don't need to look like the butterball that I do today. Mmmm, butter!  Just kidding!!!!!  haha!  I need to change my ways.  If only so I can be healthier for Ayden and Rylee.  When Ayden and Rylee are 20, I will be 60.  When they are 30 and probably have kids, I will be 70.  It's going to be questionable how long I will be around to see my grandchildren grow up.  I want to be able to play with them and enjoy them.  I know it's possible to be an old lady and be active and fit, but I also know that won't happen if I don't do something to improve my health right now.  Heck, I want to be able to coach my kids' Little League teams.  At the rate I'm going right now, that won't happen either.

It's time to make some changes.  I just NEED to find that one thing that is going to click and give me the motivation to make it happen.  I know that motivation can't come from anybody else but myself.  I just need to find whatever it is that is going to turn the switch.  I don't have a goal weight in mind, or a dress size.  Who am I kidding?  I don't wear dresses!  I just want to feel better in my own skin.  I want some of my old clothes to fit.  Not all of them, but it would be nice if my stretchy sweatpants would at least fit!!!  I want to have the energy to play more with Ayden and Rylee.  You'd think that would be my motivation, right?  So why hasn't it clicked in yet?

What We've Been Up To

Everyday I think about sitting down and writing a new blog post during nap time.  Then when that time comes, I either have a ton of stuff I have to get done while they are asleep or I am simply exhausted and relish the down time to myself.  I don't seem to have enough time to stay caught up on my blog reading either.  I apologize for not being a very active blogger lately!

Today I decided it was time for an update, so here's a mostly picture post of what we've been up to...

Last week, I took Ayden and Rylee to Thistledown Farm for an outting.  Someone had suggested it in a local mom's Facebook group.  They have a very cool hay maze with slides for kids, and goats for petting.  The best part was coming home with yummy peaches and blackberries.  Ayden and Rylee discovered that they REALLY love blackberries!

Checking out the flowers

Rylee has decided that she LOVES animals!

Ayden enjoyed petting the goats, but was really more interested in trying to eat their poop, so we didn't stay with the goats for very long.

Climbing up one of the tunnels in the hay maze.

Rylee was not a happy camper when it was time to leave!

Last Friday we had a wedding to go to.  It means so much to me to be invited to the weddings of the softball players I coached.  It was a beautiful wedding and Ayden and Rylee had a blast too!

My handsome boy!

My pretty little lady!

I couldn't decide which of the next two pictures I liked best of Rylee, so you get to see both!

I love how she has her chin resting on the frame.

But then, how can you resist her smile?

Lots of fun props to play with!

Ayden and Rylee are keeping us on our toes, that is FOR SURE!  They are into EVERYTHING!  It seems like they have taken their adventurous ways to a whole new level in the past few weeks.  

In the first three pictures here of Ayden, he got himself stuck hanging from these drawers.  I helped him get down and while I had my back turned texting these pictures to family, he found a way to actually climb all the way up.  He was SO proud of himself, which you can clearly see by that ornery smile in the bottom right picture!

We cannot keep Ayden out of the hall closet!

He's figured out how to open the fridge.  The refrigerator now has a very inconvenient lock on it.

Daredevil!

He was trying to crawl through the underside of the chair and was mad that he couldn't.

While I was making dinner one night, I could NOT keep them off the kitchen table!

This was their reaction to being put in time out.

And then THIS happened yesterday!  Oh. Em. Gee!!!!

If I didn't already have grey hair, they surely would be giving it to me now.  I'm not sure I can survive all these mini heart attacks they give me on a daily basis.  It's a good thing they mix in lots of really cute moments like in the next picture.

Cuteness overload!

We are also still doing swimming lessons every night Monday-Thursday.  They both absolutely love being in the water and have so much fun!  It's exhausting going four days in a row, but so totally worth the time we get to spend together as a family.  I don't have any cute swim lesson pictures though :)